You didn’t choose me, and I thank you. At the time, the last thing I would have ever done was be grateful for the things you’ve had me go through. But looking back at every little aspect that’s happened, I have come to terms in a twisted way. I am pleased with how things played out. Though it was ruthless, and there were certainly days where I thought my world was crumbling beneath me, you subconsciously taught me a valuable lesson. A lesson I’m still viding by today. Because of you, I learned to love myself. I learned to make choices in the best interest of putting myself first. I would not have been able to do that if you hadn’t chosen the other girl, and left me in the distance. You showed me there’s more to life than just a pretty boy holding my hand.
You chose her; her over me. That pained me more than anyone will know. I don’t know if there’s even words to describe how I felt in that moment of time. You fooled me. You fooled me more than once. More than twice. You left me questioning: why her? Why not me? What does she offer, that I don’t? There were so many unanswered questions. These questions wounded me more than you leaving. I didn’t have the answers I wanted. Quite frankly, I didn’t have any answers, and I never will. You chose yourself over me. You chose the girl in that time and moment who was making you happy. I don’t know if I ever made you truly happy, I can only hope that I did. But you made yourself happy. So I guess I’m taking a page out of your book when it came to supplying my own happiness after you left.
It’s been more than enough time to pick up my reckless emotions you caused, and move on. Soon after you left, I came across a quote, “If you love two people at the same time, choose the second. Because if you really loved the first one, you wouldn’t have fallen for the second.” In that exact moment, I knew everything was going to be okay. I didn’t see it then, but I see it now.
For the longest time, I would defend you to those who spoke poorly upon you. I had hope for you. I had hope for us. But I see now, all of that was reckless thinking.
I was living in denial.
So I made the choice to make this a learning lesson. I chose me. I chose to focus on the positives. Sure, that’s easier said than done, but I feel in the long run, I benefited from all that’s happened. I came to realization of what’s worth living, if I’m not living for myself. I need to live in the moment. I need to laugh. I need to be around people who encourage me. I need to count on myself again. I use to be such a confident person before you. I am finally on that path of becoming that person again. I’m finally laughing like I use to. That smile that slowly faded away with you is slowly appearing on my face again. It’s important to keep your feelings and your self-worth in different places, because when feelings get hurt, it shouldn’t change how you view yourself.
In a comical way, you leaving me is a good thing. It’s not that you were bringing me down, or not encouraging me, but maybe you were more of a distraction than a positive influence. Maybe you were the right guy at the wrong time. Or maybe it just wasn’t meant to be. But thank you. Thank you for coming into my life. Thank you for leaving me. Thank you for choosing the other girl. Thank you for knocking me down to then have me solely pick myself back up. I rebuilt myself. I learned to approach things with an open mind. I realized that I can’t count on everyone, and not everyone will stay in my life. In a way I guess I should thank the other girl too, because if she hadn’t come into your life, you might not have left, and I might not have come to realization that I need to love myself more. I now understand that everything happens for a reason. In order to make myself happy again, I need to release all of the bad toxins.
I’m not writing this to make it sound like you destroyed my life. I’m writing this because you helped me find myself again. I can’t think of any depraved effects that come from putting myself first. It may sound selfish, but at least I will know what is best for me. I consider this a final message. Because you and I both know you are known to reappear in my life after months to then leave, followed by coming back again. It’s like the game of life, you never know what to expect. Through this journey I’ve learned to not get my hopes up. I do wish you well in life, and have nothing wicked against you.
After all, you taught me a valuable lesson. So if you are to come back into my life, just know I am stronger than ever, and I won’t fall back into the trap you always have me stumbling into. I’ll approach the words you speak with caution. You taught me that. Because I honestly don’t know if you are what’s best for me. And if this is it, if you aren’t to come wandering back to me because you too have realized that maybe I’m not what’s best for you, I have finally accepted that. There’s just one last thing I ask of you. To the next girl you wow with your charming looks and smooth words, don’t leave her empty handed like you did me. Don’t lead her on as you did me. Some may consider this a rant, but I consider this a thank you.
I thank you for playing a part in my journey.
Now is the time to live my life, and I intend on doing just that!
The Girl You Didn’t Choose