Recently, a friend and I sat outside our local cinema sorting out our emotions regarding the hot mess that is "The Dark Tower." Was it really that bad or does our love of the book series embolden an overly critical attitude to it? It's something to definitely mull over, but I've got something to write about in the meantime.
We started listing off a collection of films that epically failed to live up to the books upon which they're based. To be fair, this started off as a bit of barroom banter, and the two of us had films that we defended tooth and nail, figuratively speaking. Not inclusive of every film made, of course, and incorporated are a few suggestions that we forgot until reminded.
1. "The Dark Tower"
If you haven't seen the film or the trailer, you can watch the latter here. Understanding that it's not a strict adaptation of any one book, I offer this film no mercy. Maybe it was the poor characterization of the infamous Man in Black, portrayed by Matthew McConaughey, or it could have been the Disney-esque happy ending, but this film was trash. Rarely have I been so disappointed in a film adaptation of a book. Or maybe I have...
2. "The Shining"
Not that all films based on Stephen King stories are bad, but so many of them unforgivably abandon the spirit of what made their source literature so iconic. Stanley Kubrick's version of "The Shining," for example is flawed as a result of directorial and actor interpretation. Jack Nicholson comes across as an unhinged already, so it's difficult to see where his Jack Torrance loses his mind. Oh, and Shelley Duvall's "Wendy?" The less said the better.
3. "The Giver"
Among the many reasons this film failed to capture audiences in the same way, perhaps the greatest damage was that so many characters were afforded depth and personality which undercut the unique importance of Jonas and his aged mentor. Instead of a harrowing story in which Jonas is the sole receptacle of hope, an entire cast experiences an awakening to the injustices of a world devoid of emotion. Sure, it was pretty, but the story faltered and lost impact.
4. "The Great Gatsby"
While Baz Luhrmann did well with "Moulin Rouge!," the same can't be said for his take on what many consider to be F. Scott Fitzgerald's magnum opus. Critical reception of the film is divided, as are the viewers, but the general consensus is that Luhrmann favored style over substance. The film plays out like an expensive series of music videos and the acting is sub par.
5. "Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire"
Why the longer hair on Harry, Ron, and others? Get haircuts, ya' hippies! What were Beauxbaton and Durmstrang depicted as all-girls and all-boys respectively? Gambon's Dumbledore shouted so much I was worried he might have a stroke. Even the shining moments, such as Alan "Always" Rickman, couldn't save this film.
6. "Fahrenheit 451"
This book is my literary comfort food. It's the book I curl up with when all is wrong in the world. Imagine my juvenile excitement when I discovered that Ray Bradbury's classic was given the silver screen treatment back in 1966. Bothered me enough as a teen when they reimagined my favorite character in the book as an obligatory love interest and removed all traces of that characters most beautiful monologues.
7. "The Hobbit" film trilogy
Shame on you, Peter Jackson and company, for taking such a small book and converting it into three bloated cash grabs. The visuals looked off, Legolas was wholly unnecessary, Tauriel was also unnecessary, and what prompted such a ridiculous love triangle? So much talent in that film, all of it misused.
8. "How The Grinch Stole Christmas"
Look! Another Jim Carrey vehicle in which he's more Jim Carrey than the Grinch.
9. "The Lost World: Jurassic Park"
Sorry, Jeff Goldblum, but your portrayal of an inept and barely capable Ian Malcolm in the first film prevents me from accepting this newer, more capable Ian Malcolm. Not to mention your in-film daughter's gymnastic stunt thwarting off a raptor. The t-rex stomping through San Diego should have been more exciting, but it didn't gel.
10. "Eragon"
The film was okay. Then I read the book. Then I hated the film.
11. "Maze Runner: The Scorch Trials"
Ignoring the lack of originality in the source novels and the nearly unforgivable offenses of the preceding film, the sequel falls so far from the excellence tree it's not funny. Watch at your own peril.
12. "The Hunger Games"
Everyone in District 12 looked too healthy, not just Katniss. Haymitch wasn't Haymitch(ey) enough. Josh Hutcherson couldn't act. Donald Sutherland, while not bad, really isn't flexing any acting muscle.
13. "Queen of the Damned"
This is what happens when you combine 1,000 pages of excellent vampiric fiction into a single movie that doesn't even span two hours. The only thing this film inspired was a generation of goth kids to spend their mom or dad's hard-earned money at Hot Topic.
14. "Dragonlance"
Kiefer Sutherland's voice being lent to one of my favorite anti-hero characters in fantasy fiction gave me hope. Then came the trailer with animation so low budget it's hard to believe the film was developed in the 21st century.
15. "Ender's Game"
The film's not entirely bad, but while the novel spanned years -- and it felt like years passed -- the film seems to barely stretch weeks. The performances were solid enough, but the film failed to really develop the characters in the same fashion as the book.
Far from all inclusive...
...this list could go on and on and on until the cows come home. In time I may develop a similar article for horrible film adaptations of video games or cartoons. Until such a time comes to pass, however, this will have to do.
What do you think? Want to fight me? Do you agree with any of these? What are your picks for the worst film adaptations of books?
