I am what most people would call skinny. The body type that our society has deemed to be most desirable. I, however, like most women have not liked my body at times. Sure I am slender (please call me anything, but skinny), but I also often feel like I have the shape of an eleven-year-old boy. I would like to have womanly curves like some of my other friends. Instead, I am stick-straight. If you are a body type on either side of the weight spectrum you know how it feels to be constantly scrutinized, and not just inside people’s heads. The comments that come out of the mouths of family, friends and even strangers can be quite appalling.
I wish we could live in a world where appearance did not matter so much. We as women are so focused on every minute detail of ourselves that it can take over how we feel about our inner being. I often wonder if these people even know that the comments or questions they pose are hurtful. I come from a family that is thin. It is genetics, something none of us can change. I have friends who have a larger build or have weight issues due to health issues, like their thyroid, or medications they are taking. The bottom line is we don't know each other's personal details surrounding our weight and really it's nobody else's business.
When you hear the term body shaming what comes to mind? Fat people? Scantily clad girls? Something else? I would venture to say probably every woman has felt the other end of body shaming tactics in some form or another, some more than others. Here are some things you just shouldn't say or ask of another person, especially if they are a stranger to you or you do not know them well. You never know what someone else may struggle with so why add to it?
1. Commenting on a person's diet can be hurtful.
Just this week I was at a kid’s birthday party. Rather than sitting with my friends I looked over and saw a couple eating by themselves. I thought I would be friendly and eat my dinner with them, so I brought my plate over to the table and sat it down. We exchanged pleasantries and talked about the beverages. That’s when the conversation turned. The woman asked me if that was the only meal I had eaten that day. I had to ask her to repeat the question because I wasn’t sure I heard her correctly. She repeated herself and said, “You know, since you are so skinny, I figured that must have been the only thing you have eaten today.” I was so taken back. These are the types of comments that people make without thinking. They do not realize how hurtful that can be.
2. Talking to a person about their weight gain or loss unless that person brings it up is not necessary.
This is an area we should all be careful of. Make sure you know your audience before you speak and whether or not your comment would be appreciated. Talking to someone who has vocalized their weight loss goals and positively acknowledging that they look great is awesome, however telling someone that they are packing on the pounds or seem to have lost weight dramatically and giving them the side eye, is not helpful.
3. How you dress nobody's business but your own.
We have all done it, but seriously is it any of our business how other people dress? If you wouldn’t wear it, that’s fine, but let that other person feel good in what they are wearing. Commenting to someone or about them that they just shouldn't wear a particular outfit because of their size is mean. Don't do it.
4. Timing your comments appropriately.
On my wedding day, I had someone comment on how thin I was. It was more about how she said it though that bothered me. That comment has stuck with me to this day. It was more than the remark; it was the look of disgust and that I must be sick to be so thin.
5. Health and fitness are about much more than your size.
Not everyone is in the gym to lose weight. A thin person is not necessarily healthy, and they may just want to add some muscle weight. The last place most of us want to be truly seen is in the gym. We go there to better ourselves, to get more fit all the while getting sweaty and looking less than attractive. This is for sure the very last place we want someone to attack our appearance. So please, before you go up to a complete stranger and offer some backhanded compliment think how it would feel if someone were to ask you about whatever things you are most insecure about.
I would like to see society move in the direction of positive affirmations, so I am starting with me. I hope you also will consider a comment before you let it past your lips and think if it will be uplifting to the person you are about to make it to.
