My fiancé is a 21-year-old man with an open heart and a kind mind. He is always willing to provide for me when he can and he's always there when I need him most. He takes care of me in ways that no one can truly understand.
He also has a condition called spina bifida, which is a condition when at its worst can leave a person paralyzed. He also has a lot of medical problems associated with his spina bifida. We work through them. We're getting married next year, and we both can't be more excited about the years ahead of us.
However, over the course of the last three years, because of my relationship with my fiancé, I've received a lot of comments from complete strangers with the phrase "bless your heart" attached to them, the most recent being at an ultrasound for my gallbladder.
Now, it was probably my own fault that I even brought him up to begin with (even though the innocent ultrasound tech was making light talk with me), but we talked for a bit before she said, "Oh, bless your heart."
To be honest, it shouldn't have irked me, but for a little bit, it really did.
See, the reason it irked me is that I wouldn't have gotten the "bless your heart" comment if it wasn't for the fact that my fiancé is paraplegic and has spina bifida. His condition has never held him back. He can do anything he sets his mind to, and I know this to be fact. He's hoping to go to college in the fall. We're getting married and saving up for an exciting trip to Nashville in May. We're gearing up for some of the best times of our lives.
From what I've observed among people who have physical, mental, and intellectual disabilities, the phrase "bless your heart" is thrown around a lot and, to me, insinuates that there's a sense of helplessness involved with the person in question. However, there is no need for such an insinuation. Most people with disabilities live absolutely normal, boring lives. I know my marriage with my fiance will be a boring one (you know, except for all of the exciting times we'll have together).
So, everyone, please stop with the pity party. Unless a person is sick, dying, or impaled, I don't believe that "bless your heart" is warranted in most, if not any, situations. People with disabilities are, for the most part, people who are just living. They are people who are going down the street, working, learning, living. Please don't take pity on someone just because of your own preconceived notion of what people with disabilities should be.
