Ahhh Black Friday. The day that we push, pull, shove, and camp out to get things we probably do not need, the day after we are supposed to be thankful for the things that we already have. Ironic, isn’t it? It is the one day you can spend insane amounts of money on shopping and not feel bad about it. Because hey, so many good deals. Being a college student, the word discount is as unheard of as the word cheap in the world of higher education costs. As I sifted through the countless online and paper ads in preparation of this shopping-filled day, I began to think about the deals I really wanted to see.
1. Buy one year, get one free. Having trouble deciding what to get Mom and Dad for the holidays? With tuition prices at a record high, this gift keeps on giving for years to come and they will probably be so grateful you’ll never have to buy them anything ever again.
2. Free shipping on a home-cooked meal. Really craving some comfort food after those countless bowls of ramen and slices of pizza? Have your favorite dish shipped right to your door still hot and free of charge!
3. Coupons for your favorite food at the dining hall. If you’re not feeling the bland mashed potatoes or the same salad you eat every night of the week, present this coupon to your local dining hall and enjoy an endless supply of chicken tenders, Wegman’s sushi, or whatever your stomach desires.
4. Free return on an exam grade. Go too hard the night before your bio test? Did you professor base your midterm solely off of the textbook readings you didn’t do? With a free return you can tell your professor to kiss that epic fail goodbye. Better luck next time.
5. Room upgrade with no extra charge. Forget the small, uncomfortable beds and communal bathrooms. Enjoy a penthouse room equipped with walk-in closets, private bathroom, and king size bed. Roommate optional. Shower shoes not required.
6. Punch card to your favorite bar. For every drink you purchase you get a punch. Before you know it, you’re sippin’ on your favorite beer or cocktail free of charge. As if you need another incentive to hit up happy hour.
7. 50 percent off alcohol. With finals coming up, nothing takes the edge off like a few brewskies or bottles glasses of wine. With our bank accounts dwindling the closer we get to the end of the semester, this deal is sure to come in handles handy.
8. Full refunds or exchanges on text books. Nothing sucks more than dropping $300 for a chem text book you never used and selling it back for a whopping $10. With this deal, you’ll be dancing your way to the bookstore at the end of the semester.
9. Five class skips. Whether you’re hungover, need more sleep, or just can’t bare the thought of listening to your professor talk about cost/benefit analysis for an hour and a half, these no-expense-paid passes will come in clutch for any occasion.
BRB updating my Christmas list.
