Yes I'm Bisexual, No I Won't Have A Threesome With You

Yes I'm Bisexual, No I Won't Have A Threesome With You

Bisexuals, the sound of trees falling in forests, and other things that actually exist.
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Sexuality is simple: it’s to whom you are attracted to physically and/or emotionally.

Figuring out your sexuality? Not so simple, especially when it’s assumed since birth that you are and will be heterosexual and being something else puts you into this category of Other. Different.

There are a whole host of complications and implications that come with one’s sexual identity, including but not limited to: physical safety, acceptance from your loved ones, feeling wrong or dirty, and other fun (read: not fun at all) symptoms of homophobia. But we already know this for the most part.

We also already know that bisexuality— the attraction to two or more genders —is often the target of misconceptions both from within and without the LGBTQ+ community. Or at least, bisexuals know this.

I’ve only been out for about a year and a half. And by out, all I mean is that I stopped lying and finally allowed myself to feel everything I was feeling without coming up with excuses or reasons for them to be wrong. My struggle with coming out wasn’t because I feared not being accepted or lacking safety in my home, it was because bisexuality is overlooked and erased. I knew I was attracted to guys, so I couldn’t be attracted to girls. Or, on the days my attraction to girls was undeniable, I feared I was a lesbian.

I didn’t fear being gay because I thought it was bad, I was scared of labeling myself— or being labeled by others —as a lesbian because it didn’t feel right. Because even when I couldn’t deny my desire to make out with or wine and dine a girl, my attraction to guys still lingered in the back of my mind.

So, for me, coming out was finally saying to myself “I like both.” I realize this is a fairly privileged coming out tale.

Still, that doesn’t mean I want to date more than one person at a time or that I’m greedy and want to have a lot of sex with a lot of people or that I can’t make up my mind. In fact, that last misconception was what kept me from being truthful with myself for 19 years. I thought you were only supposed to like one gender and that you only could like one gender.

So, what’s my point? None of this is groundbreaking and I’m sure it’s been said before. Well, my point is that not only do we need to stop invalidating the feelings of bisexuals by saying their identity doesn’t exist, but we also need to be careful with how we let these stereotypes influence us, even when we don’t think they are.

So yes, a girl did ask me if I wanted to have a threesome with her and her boyfriend. This is a clear example of people thinking bisexuals are in it for the sex— with anyone and with multiple anyones at the same time.

But I’ve also had my well-meaning, straight friends tell me that they wished they were bisexual. That it sounds so fun. What you may not realize is that you’re basically saying the same thing to me as if you’d said “I wish I was bisexual, I’ve always wanted to have a threesome.”

Before you tell a bisexual that they’re sexuality sounds fun, ask yourself why being bisexual sounds fun. I don’t hook up with any more people now that I’m out than I did when I thought I was straight. I’m still the same shy, awkward person I’ve always been, most of the time too nervous and terrified to approach anyone regardless of their gender. Even if I wasn’t so shy and nervous, there’s the small problem that nowhere close to every girl I’m attracted to is also queer. And, even if they are, they would still have to want to make out with me, too— you know, that whole super important consent thing?

But, listen, even if you filled a room with 100 percent queer girls, I wouldn’t want to hook up with or date all of them. I’m not attracted to every girl I meet just like I’m not attracted to every guy I meet and that hasn’t changed just because I’m attracted to some girls as well as some guys.

Don’t get me wrong, being bisexual is fun. If by fun you mean that I finally feel comfortable in my own skin and with my own feelings and no longer question the validity of how I feel about every single person I get a little googly-eyed over. It’s fun because I’m finally able to live my life and have fun without my own denial hanging over my head. It’s not fun because now I go around hooking up with whoever I want.

So what’s my point? My point is that even if I did want to have a threesome, I don’t want to have one with you because I’m not attracted to you or your boyfriend. Ignorant isn’t my type.

Cover Image Credit: Peter Salanki on Flickr

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​An Open Letter To The People Who Don’t Tip Their Servers

This one's for you.
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Dear Person Who Has No Idea How Much The 0 In The “Tip:" Line Matters,

I want to by asking you a simple question: Why?

Is it because you can't afford it? Is it because you are blind to the fact that the tip you leave is how the waiter/waitress serving you is making their living? Is it because you're just lazy and you “don't feel like it"?

Is it because you think that, while taking care of not only your table but at least three to five others, they took too long bringing you that side of ranch dressing? Or is it just because you're unaware that as a server these people make $2.85 an hour plus TIPS?

The average waiter/waitress is only supposed to be paid $2.13 an hour plus tips according to the U.S. Department of Labor.

That then leaves the waiter/waitress with a paycheck with the numbers **$0.00** and the words “Not a real paycheck." stamped on it. Therefore these men and women completely rely on the tips they make during the week to pay their bills.

So, with that being said, I have a few words for those of you who are ignorant enough to leave without leaving a few dollars in the “tip:" line.

Imagine if you go to work, the night starts off slow, then almost like a bomb went off the entire workplace is chaotic and you can't seem to find a minute to stop and breathe, let alone think about what to do next.

Imagine that you are helping a total of six different groups of people at one time, with each group containing two to 10 people.

Imagine that you are working your ass off to make sure that these customers have the best experience possible. Then you cash them out, you hand them a pen and a receipt, say “Thank you so much! It was a pleasure serving you, have a great day!"

Imagine you walk away to attempt to start one of the 17 other things you need to complete, watch as the group you just thanked leaves, and maybe even wave goodbye.

Imagine you are cleaning up the mess that they have so kindly left behind, you look down at the receipt and realize there's a sad face on the tip line of a $24.83 bill.

Imagine how devastated you feel knowing that you helped these people as much as you could just to have them throw water on the fire you need to complete the night.

Now, realize that whenever you decide not to tip your waitress, this is nine out of 10 times what they go through. I cannot stress enough how important it is for people to realize that this is someone's profession — whether they are a college student, a single mother working their second job of the day, a new dad who needs to pay off the loan he needed to take out to get a safer car for his child, your friend, your mom, your dad, your sister, your brother, you.

If you cannot afford to tip, do not come out to eat. If you cannot afford the three alcoholic drinks you gulped down, plus your food and a tip do not come out to eat.

If you cannot afford the $10 wings that become half-off on Tuesdays plus that water you asked for, do not come out to eat.

If you cannot see that the person in front of you is working their best to accommodate you, while trying to do the same for the other five tables around you, do not come out to eat. If you cannot realize that the man or woman in front of you is a real person, with their own personal lives and problems and that maybe these problems have led them to be the reason they are standing in front of you, then do not come out to eat.

As a server myself, it kills me to see the people around me being deprived of the money that they were supposed to earn. It kills me to see the three dollars you left on a $40 bill. It kills me that you cannot stand to put yourself in our shoes — as if you're better than us. I wonder if you realize that you single-handedly ruined part of our nights.

I wonder if maybe one day you will be in our shoes, and I hope to God no one treats you how you have treated us. But if they do, then maybe you'll realize how we felt when you left no tip after we gave you our time.

Cover Image Credit: Hailea Shallock

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If You Think Belly Dancing Is Sexual, You're Missing The Whole Point

Believe it or not, exposed stomachs aren't inherently sexual.

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What we know as belly dancing here in America started in the middle east as a way for mothers to teach their daughters how to isolate certain muscles that they would use in childbirth, thus making the process an easier one when it was their time to go through it.

This cultural dance began with mothers teaching daughters behind closed doors where men weren't allowed to watch. It's possible that this fact helped cause some of the negative stigmas behind it by people who do not know its true origin.

Long story short (because I'm not looking to place false facts in this article), belly dancing moved over to America after a while and it wasn't necessarily accepted at first. Today, there is a multitude of belly dancing styles, including belly dance fusion which combines more traditional dancing with modern takes on it by blending multiple cultures or dancing styles.

You're probably wondering why a white girl such as myself is trying to educate you on something that clearly isn't a part of my own culture. Well, for those of you who don't know (or who couldn't recognize me from the cover photo), I belly dance at my university as part of an extracurricular club.

This club is easily one that I am most passionate about. I joined the club in my first semester as a freshman and have stuck with it for the past six semesters, and plan to stick with it for my last two. I came into the club with little previous dance experience and no previous belly dance experience, much like almost everyone else I've seen come and go.

I've heard of professors at my school who said they wouldn't go to our shows because it "made him uncomfortable." Why? Because our stomachs are out and we're moving our hips? That doesn't make our dancing inherently sexual.

We have a rule within our club that if any of us go out to parties, we cannot use belly dancing moves to try to woo guys or girls. Because guess what? That's not the point of belly dancing.

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