Yes I'm Bisexual, No I Won't Have A Threesome With You

Yes I'm Bisexual, No I Won't Have A Threesome With You

Bisexuals, the sound of trees falling in forests, and other things that actually exist.
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Sexuality is simple: it’s to whom you are attracted to physically and/or emotionally.

Figuring out your sexuality? Not so simple, especially when it’s assumed since birth that you are and will be heterosexual and being something else puts you into this category of Other. Different.

There are a whole host of complications and implications that come with one’s sexual identity, including but not limited to: physical safety, acceptance from your loved ones, feeling wrong or dirty, and other fun (read: not fun at all) symptoms of homophobia. But we already know this for the most part.

We also already know that bisexuality— the attraction to two or more genders —is often the target of misconceptions both from within and without the LGBTQ+ community. Or at least, bisexuals know this.

I’ve only been out for about a year and a half. And by out, all I mean is that I stopped lying and finally allowed myself to feel everything I was feeling without coming up with excuses or reasons for them to be wrong. My struggle with coming out wasn’t because I feared not being accepted or lacking safety in my home, it was because bisexuality is overlooked and erased. I knew I was attracted to guys, so I couldn’t be attracted to girls. Or, on the days my attraction to girls was undeniable, I feared I was a lesbian.

I didn’t fear being gay because I thought it was bad, I was scared of labeling myself— or being labeled by others —as a lesbian because it didn’t feel right. Because even when I couldn’t deny my desire to make out with or wine and dine a girl, my attraction to guys still lingered in the back of my mind.

So, for me, coming out was finally saying to myself “I like both.” I realize this is a fairly privileged coming out tale.

Still, that doesn’t mean I want to date more than one person at a time or that I’m greedy and want to have a lot of sex with a lot of people or that I can’t make up my mind. In fact, that last misconception was what kept me from being truthful with myself for 19 years. I thought you were only supposed to like one gender and that you only could like one gender.

So, what’s my point? None of this is groundbreaking and I’m sure it’s been said before. Well, my point is that not only do we need to stop invalidating the feelings of bisexuals by saying their identity doesn’t exist, but we also need to be careful with how we let these stereotypes influence us, even when we don’t think they are.

So yes, a girl did ask me if I wanted to have a threesome with her and her boyfriend. This is a clear example of people thinking bisexuals are in it for the sex— with anyone and with multiple anyones at the same time.

But I’ve also had my well-meaning, straight friends tell me that they wished they were bisexual. That it sounds so fun. What you may not realize is that you’re basically saying the same thing to me as if you’d said “I wish I was bisexual, I’ve always wanted to have a threesome.”

Before you tell a bisexual that they’re sexuality sounds fun, ask yourself why being bisexual sounds fun. I don’t hook up with any more people now that I’m out than I did when I thought I was straight. I’m still the same shy, awkward person I’ve always been, most of the time too nervous and terrified to approach anyone regardless of their gender. Even if I wasn’t so shy and nervous, there’s the small problem that nowhere close to every girl I’m attracted to is also queer. And, even if they are, they would still have to want to make out with me, too— you know, that whole super important consent thing?

But, listen, even if you filled a room with 100 percent queer girls, I wouldn’t want to hook up with or date all of them. I’m not attracted to every girl I meet just like I’m not attracted to every guy I meet and that hasn’t changed just because I’m attracted to some girls as well as some guys.

Don’t get me wrong, being bisexual is fun. If by fun you mean that I finally feel comfortable in my own skin and with my own feelings and no longer question the validity of how I feel about every single person I get a little googly-eyed over. It’s fun because I’m finally able to live my life and have fun without my own denial hanging over my head. It’s not fun because now I go around hooking up with whoever I want.

So what’s my point? My point is that even if I did want to have a threesome, I don’t want to have one with you because I’m not attracted to you or your boyfriend. Ignorant isn’t my type.

Cover Image Credit: Peter Salanki on Flickr

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28 Urban Slang Terms Every New Yorker Knows

It's dead ass mad brick out today.
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The New York City youth is greatly influenced by hip-hop culture, and hip-hop culture is continuously influenced by New York City. With the colorful expressions found in both hip-hop and the streets of New York, colorful language is inevitable. The truth is, you're not a real New Yorker if you've never heard these terms before.

1. Whack = (adj) used to describe something that is appalling in nature

"That's whack!"

2. Grill = (v) to stare, usually impolitely; to give a dirty look

"Dude stop grilling my girlfriend, I know her spray tan looks whack."

3. To front/Fronting = (v) to put on a façade; acting like you are something that you are not.

"Stop fronting like you own the place."

4. Cop = (v) to buy

"I'm about to cop some chips, you want some?"

5. Catch these hands = phrase used to initiate a fight

"If that girl keeps grilling me she can catch these hands."

Variations: throw these hands; throw hands; catch this fade

6. Crusty = (adj) used to describe someone who is dirty or trashy

"Girl, did you shower today? Your hair is looking all types of musty, dusty, and crusty."

Synonyms: musty; dusty

7. Lit = (adj) used to describe someone or something that is amazing in every sense

Variations: litty

8. Mad = (adv) very

"Stay away from her, bro. She has mad problems."

Synonyms: dumb; OD; stupid

9. Dumb = (adv) extremely

"This party is dumb lit."

Synonyms: mad; OD; stupid

10. Brick = (adj) very cold

"Damn, it's mad brick out."

11. Tight = (v) to be upset

"Stop running your fingers through my hair; you're getting me dumb tight."

12. Thirsty = (adj) desperate; (n) someone who is desperate

"I didn't tag you in my photo because I don't want any thirsties following you."

Variations: thirsties (n)

13. Buggin' = freaking out; acting up

"My mom just asked me to clean all the dishes even though it's not my turn. She's buggin."

Synonyms: wylin'/wildin'

14. Son = (n) a good friend

"Of course I know him, that's my son!"

Synonyms: B

15. B = (n) a good friend

"What's good, B?"

16. Sus = shady or false

*Short for "suspect" or "suspicious"

"That girl is mad sus for looking at me like that."

17. Dead ass = (adj) seriously

"You're dead ass getting me tight, B."

*Could also be used as follows:

"Dead ass?" = Are you serious?

"Dead ass!" = Yes.

18. Guap = (n) money

"Okay, this to all of my enemies that seeing me gettin' guap right now." -- Big Sean

Synonyms: Mulah; dough; casheesh

19. Grimey = (adj) used to describe a back-stabber

"I'm telling you, bro. He's mad grimey, don't trust him."

20. You woulda thought = a more exciting way to say "no"

"You woulda thought I was going to let you use my laptop to log on to your shady-ass websites."

21. OD/Ohdee/Odee = (adj) excessive; an abbreviation for "over-doing"

"Man, my professor just assigned OD work on BlackBoard."

Synonyms: mad; dumb

22. Wylin'/Wildin' = out of control

"That girl was wildin' last night when she threatened to throw hands at you for no reason."

Synonyms: buggin'

23. Facts = (adj) something that is rooted in truth

"That's a fact, B."

Synonyms: true

24. Snuff = (v) to punch

"I should've never threatened to throw hands. He straight up snuffed me in the throat."

Synonyms: rock

25. Wavy = (adj) used to describe something that is cool or nice

"I’m so wavy in the turbo Porsche, she so wavy in the new Mercedes" -- Ty Dolla $ign

Synonyms: dope, lit

26. Kicks = (n) sneakers

"Where'd you cop those kicks from?"

27. Beef = (n) having a fight or holding a grudge against another person or group of people

"Tommy told me you guys have beef."

28. Ice = (n) jewelry

"Ice on my neck cost me 10 times 3." -- D.R.A.M.

Variations: icy (adj)

Cover Image Credit: BKNPK

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Thank You To The Man Who Taught Me How To Be A Man

"Oh, almost forgot to do something, thank my father too. I actually learned a lot from you, you taught me what not to do." -Eminem

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Dear You,

Starting this off by saying "dear" feels disgustingly wrong. Nothing about you is dear, nothing you have ever done for me has been dear, expect you got me into Eminem at eight years old but let's be honest- that would have happened anyways. As far as the "you" part, you have no title in my life anymore, your name means nothing to me anymore nor does your previous title.

You have fucked me over more than anyone in my entire life. You've hurt me, pushed me down more times than I can count- but I've stood up one more time than each time you've pushed me down. You'll never see me succeed, nor will you meet my wife or our kids. This letter isn't to bash you, I'm over that because I'm better than you now and I realize that.

I want to thank you for the one thing you did do for me. You made me a man. I was raised on my Poppa's mindset- a house is controlled by God, a man, the wife, the kids, then everything else. I highly disagree with this now, but from age four you made me a man. My Poppa taught me that there was supposed to be a man and there was nobody else besides me and my momma so it was all up to me.

You know last week I refinished a cabinet all by myself? Sanded, stained, and sealed it all on my own. Now that's not a man's job but it's also not my momma's job because she works two to take care of me since we don't have anyone else besides Poppa and Grams. I was so proud of myself and I would have given anything for my Uncle Raymond to see it, he'd be so damn proud of me. Poppa sure as hell is. I didn't learn that from you, I taught myself how to do it. That was my second time ever staining anything, the first time was two weeks before that cabinet. Poppa is too sick to teach me things now and I don't expect him to do it, Uncle Raymond is gone- I'm the only man I've got.

I'm still not strong, I don't workout because I hate it tremendously. I can fix almost anything you put in front of me and I know more about cars than any girl I hang around (besides momma because she chased for so long). In 19 years I've learned how to hold my emotions in like a man because I had to be the strong one when you broke us. The only times are cry is when my girlfriend and I fight or I make momma cry, or if I'm really sick. I cried today too because I didn't get a job, I felt like a failure and I don't want to let momma down like others have in the past; including myself.

I still don't eat meat- not because I'm a "stuck up bitch". I don't drive a truck, but I want to so I can fit all of my things in it. I have a lot to say but not enough time or space to say it. I guess what I want to say is you forced me to become a man from the time I was four years old. I've always told people that I had to be the man of the house because we didn't have one. You don't make me want to be a man, you make me want to be a person and a damn good one. You make me want to be a partner to my wife, a loving one that provides. You make me want to be the best parent in the world- one that plays with Barbies and race cars (with the same damn kid).

You might not have done much, but you made me a man. A damn good man.

Best,

C

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