Tom Steyer's belated jump into the already overcrowded 2020 Democratic primary cements a presidential run as a coming-of-age of sorts for billionaires, firmly confirming them as having WAY more money than they know what to do with. A presidential run is a billionaire mid-life crisis, like when a dad starts riding a motorcycle and dying his hair except with an ungodly amount of disposable income.
Honestly, I'm not a fan of this new political tradition, so here are a few ideas for billionaires on pastimes that don't include running for the nation's highest office.
1. Get people registered to vote.
You're interested in politics? Great! Use your passion and near-infinite resources to make sure everyone gets a chance to have a say in our democracy. Pay to sponsor voter registration efforts and then help make sure people can get out on election day.
2. Donate to charity.
There's so many great causes that would welcome that $100 million you're putting towards your campaign, Tom Steyer.
3. Buy another golden penthouse in Manhattan.
Tacky? A little, yeah. As damaging to our nation as the alternative? Not even close.
4. Get another university library named after them.
Yeah the White House might be nice, but you don't get your name plastered on it forever, do you?
5. Just wait to be appointed secretary of education.
Just ask Betsy Devos — it doesn't take much experience or expertise to snag the job. Just a deep pocketbook.
6. Get a hobby. Any hobby.
Take up chess. Start a stamp collection. Sew. You shouldn't be dabbling in trying to get the nuclear codes.
7. Understand that their experiences aren't universal.
I'm not willing to make the generalization that no billionaires have any good ideas about how to run this country. The ones that are self-made at least, are evidently pretty intelligent, extremely successful people. But, as literal statistical anomalies, they have to realize that not everyone is going to be able to benefit from how they got rich and that they aren't always aware of the struggles of average people.
8. Get a private island.
Have a great vacation home while also staying far away from American politics!
9. End Extreme Poverty.
According to a study by Oxfam, if all the billionaires teemed up they could do it seven times over!
10. Run for a different office, for the love of God.
Listen, guys, there are SO MANY presidential candidates already this cycle. Run for mayor or something.
11. Support an already-existing candidate.
Like I said, being interested in politics is great. But why not just support a candidate who holds similar views to you? Why make me watch another twenty person debate?
12. Start that business idea you’ve had for a while.
You’ve got the money and you’ve got the dream. Go upon that bed and breakfast for dogs or whatever it is you had in mind.
13. LITERALLY ANYTHING ELSE
For the sake of our nation and my personal sanity, please.
