What does it mean when a person says they are asexual? Are they reproducing with themselves? Is that possible? Are they actually sea sponges?
Unfortunately, they are not porous creatures under the sea, but instead human beings. They also cannot reproduce with themselves, because science says so.
They are just asexual people.
Being asexual means, simply, that they do not experience sexual attraction. This is often confused with celibacy. The confusion between asexuality and celibacy is understandable, and that’s why it’s important to note that to be celibate is a choice, whereas being asexual is an essential part of their being; it’s who they are.
Asexuality is a sexual orientation in the same sense that homosexuality or heterosexuality are orientations. Being straight or gay is about what someone feels, like attraction towards males or attraction towards females; the same goes for asexuality. Asexual people do not feel sexual attraction towards any gender.
A lot of people assume because asexual people do not feel sexual attraction, they do not date, have sex, masturbate, or get married. THIS IS FALSE. A lot of asexual individuals do choose to do all of these things, whether they masturbate for stress relief or they get married because they love their partner.
My goal is to introduce you to one woman I’ve known my whole life. She is an asexual female who also happens to be sexually active.
That woman is me.
I’m Jess. I’m asexual and I’m sexually active. In this moment, I have three thoughts going through my head.
- I’m officially letting everyone know my orientation and I’m terrified.
- My mom is now going to know I’m sexually active and I’m awkward.
- I’m writing an article on an almost untouched subject and I’m proud.
When thinking of topics to write about, I found myself with two decisions. I could play it safe with an article about video games, or I could go big and bare it all. The caution and fear of writing this article was weighing extremely heavy on me, yet the impulse to write an article about something the general population is so uneducated about was so strong I could not keep myself from writing it.
As I said, I’m a sexually active, asexual female. Meaning, I’m a girl who has sex yet doesn’t feel any sexual attraction. To put it as simply as I can, my body reacts to sex but the rest of me doesn’t. The “rest of me” being my mind and my being.
Being sexually active was my own choice. I think of sex as being a very scientific thing but also as this once in a lifetime feeling. Of course, the human race needs sex to continue on, but the feeling that occurs when two people have sex is incomparable. When two people choose to have sex, they’re choosing to unite themselves for that moment in time. In that moment in time, whether they have known each other for five minutes or for five years, two people are sharing a unique something they will never share with anyone else. Every feeling is unique, and to me that’s amazing. It’s not about wanting to rip everyone’s clothes off, but it’s about an intense intimacy shared between two people.
What I said above is all very sweet, but I feel that I need to explain further why it’s important to realize sexually active asexual people exist. It’s because, even within the asexual community, people believe asexual people just don’t have sex. I have asexual friends who will say things like “Oh, I don’t need a condom. I’m asexual,” and they don’t realize they are feeding into the generalization that all asexual people aren’t sexual beings. It’s disheartening, and it makes those of us who are sexually active feel invalidated within our community. The feeling of invalidation is all too familiar for asexual people in general, as we are often overlooked when people talk about the LGBTQ community, but we have to be sure that we aren’t invalidating anyone in our own community. Especially with asexuality being as broad as it is, with many different types of asexuality (demi-sexual, gray-sexual, etc.), the sooner we educate the world, the better.
It’s time that the world starts to accept that asexuality is a real and valid orientation with many subtypes.
It’s time for the LGBTQ community to accept that asexuality is a real and valid orientation with many subtypes.
It’s time for the asexual community to accept that asexuality is a real and valid orientation with many subtypes.
