Marriage. If you’re an optimist, hopeless romantic, or, in the words of Meredith Grey, “bright and shiny," the thought of this eight-letter word might be filling your head with images of Cinderella dresses, towering white cakes, and fairytale weddings complete with a Prince Charming and your five best friends in pink bridesmaids dresses. Or, maybe you’re like me and the mere thought of getting married any time in the near distant future makes you cringe and shudder.
Okay, maybe I'm being a little dramatic. But I'm not the only one to have doubts about the idea of marriage, and it's not just an I'm-only-19-and-like-being-single kind of thing. Marriage has evolved into something Americans of the 20th century wouldn't even recognize. For starters, people are waiting until they're older to get hitched. A lot older, in fact -- the average age to tie the knot is almost 26 for women, and a little over 28 for men, compared to 20 and 23, respectively, in 1960.
Our constant access to technology exposes us to an overwhelming number of dating websites, some specifically designed for already-married men and women, aiding in rising unfaithfulness in marriages. The divorce rate is climbing. Couples are embracing the popular trend of cohabitation, entailing a committed relationship and shared place of residence, minus the rings and tax breaks. On June 26, even the actual definition of marriage was changed; no longer can it be classified simply as a "union between a man and woman."
It is safe to say that marriage today is no 1970's cheesy romance film.
The marriage rate in the United States has declined by over 50 percent from 1970 to 2010, and the divorce rate has nearly doubled since 1960. Current studies show that between 40 to 50 percent of marriages will end in divorce, depending on numerous outside factors. So what is the catalyst for the drastic evolution of a once popular and positive aspect of life?
It's as simple as this: less and less people are finding the idea of lifelong commitment appealing, or even ideal.
In this day and age, someone can literally have an affair via cell phone with his or her spouse sitting two feet away on the same couch. It's easier than ever (and, apparently, more tempting) to become emotionally or sexually involved outside one's marriage, and there are more people taking advantage of this opportunity than you might think. Following the recent hacking of the self-proclaimed "world's leading married and dating service for discreet encounters," Ashley Madison ("Life is short. Have an affair."), 20 million men were revealed to be active on the site. Research conducted after the hack shows that, on average, one in six married men in the United States was part of that 20 million.
Clearly, a big part of the reason marriage is failing today is because people can't (or don't want to) stay committed, something commonly considered with a negative connotation. However, humans are intensely complex beings, and we go through countless phases in our lives. We change and evolve and grow, and so do the people in our lives. I think it is completely possible for you to be meant to be with someone for a long time, but maybe not forever. Forever is a long time.
Why do people get married? Because that's what you're supposed to do, right? Go to college, graduate, find a job, get married, have kids. You spend four years trying to plan out your life and then you're handed a piece of paper so you can tell employers that, yes, of course you are a college graduate, but it will probably do a better job of confirming your damaged liver and ungodly amount of debt than getting you an actual job. And then, ready or not, you enter the real world. You land a job you hopefully don't hate, meet "the one" (if you hadn't already), tie the knot, and settle down. And you work your job and go about your life and pray you don't wake up one day in a loveless marriage.
But maybe you don't have to; maybe you shouldn't.
The other day I asked two of my friends where they realistically see themselves in 10 years. I phrased it just like that, very vague and open-ended because I was curious to see if they would mention something about a husband and baby on the way, somewhat of a social norm for women pushing 30. To my partial surprise, they both answered in detail about their dream careers and places where they hoped to be living, without a single word of marriage or even a serious relationship. Obviously, they probably foresee a significant other in their future too, but being married was not the first thing they thought of when they pictured themselves a decade older.
This thought process is representative of today's society and plays a role in the transformation of marriage. People want careers, women want careers, they want to travel, explore, and do something fulfilling. Amongst countless other differences between old-fashioned marriage and its modern reputation, it all comes down to this: for the first time ever, marriage is not the most important, or best thing, to happen to someone.
It is possible that 10 years from now I will come across this article and laugh to myself because my husband is in the next room, because life is funny like that. But for now, in 10 years I see myself anywhere, everywhere, free, and happy. You should, too.
