College is about that time when we start to disconnect the metaphorical umbilical cord from our parents — we’re living away from home, doing our own laundry, eating when and what we want to eat, etc. — as "High School Musical" once wisely stated, “this is the start of something new.”
So, as part of the natural progression, we begin our journey to financial independence. Step One: the credit card.
Studies show that this is the natural thought process for 74% of college students opening a first credit card (actually, I made that up — but these were my thoughts):
1. Your mom asks you if you want to open your own credit card for emergency purposes
Oooooh, a credit card—that’s so badass. I could go around buying anything I want and no one would know and no one could tell me “no.” I could buy a horse. Or a jet ski. Oooooh, or a cotton candy machine. I have a lot of emergencies…
2. You decide it’s a good idea and apply for the credit card
There’s no reason why they wouldn’t give me a credit card, right? I’m a good kid. I’ve never done anything wrong…oh my god, except that time in the eighth grade when I didn’t pay Sam Langston back the 75¢ I borrowed for lunch…oh my god, what if they find out about that…or about how I don’t actually have an annual income or pay taxes on my babysitting job…oh god, am I going to jail for this?
3. You get the credit card
Oh. Wow. This is real nice. Sleek. Whoosh. Oh yes. I like this. Aw, it’s so pretty. Wow, it looks so great in that slot next to my license. Oh, but I could it in this slot, too. My wallet is so fancy now. And I get to sign on the back of the card. So official. This is sick. I’m grown now. Heehee. All this is mine, mine, mine. Yes, I must use it right now.
4. You use the credit card for the first time
I am an eagle soaring over the purple mountains—free and alive. I feel like Rose, leaning into the wind at the bow of the Titanic, with my hair blowing freely in a top-down convertible. I’m on top of the world. I’m so filthy rich—no one can stop me!!! (As long as I stay within my credit limit.)
5. You use the credit card for the second, third, fifth, eleventh time
Ah, still feels so good. Yup, it’s like I’m not even paying. Like a pro. Huh, but I wonder where all this money is coming from? Hmm, I guess I’ll worry about that later…Oh god, am I drunk on power??? Where the heck is all this money coming from…oh god, I’m really going to get sent to jail this time, aren’t I?
6. The bill comes
Huh, that’s weird. The credit company must have sent me the wrong bill…12 bath towels from Bed, Bath, and Beyond? No, I already have like eight for the semester. Oh no, no, no, a tuna-cheese platter? I don’t even eat fish. This isn’t me. Wait, a cotton candy machine…and a $400 bill from J.Crew. Oh god, please take me to jail. Take me away—it’ll be the safest place for me when my mother finds out.
If you would like to see a more moving documentary on the dangers of credit cards, do check out "Confessions of a Shopaholic," a truly mystifying and heart-wrenching rendition of how one woman’s passion for shopping lead her down the dark, painful path of credit card abuse. Great movie.
