When most people think of depression, what are usually the first few thoughts that go racing through their mind? I'll save you the trouble of thinking and tell you the two major ones, cutting and suicide. But, that's not always the case; I'm still breathing aren't I? Since Spring 2015, I have been fighting depression. It changes everyday but I take it day by day. I have, however, reached the point to where I cannot stand it any longer. I'm so sick and tired of being sick and tired. Alright, on with the article!
What is depression? Why me?
You tell me. What do you think depression is? What classifies "depression?" Well, it can be a handful of things. Maybe you're bullied, or maybe you've lost a loved one. Or, you could be like me and just simply have no clue why (insert upside down awkward new smiley face emoji). Which is what drives me insane. How do you know? I became very tired and wanted to sleep all the time (I found out I was anemic too, go figure). I was lethargic, and everything was so much harder to feel happy about. The only thing I could consider is that a switch was flipped in my brain and different chemicals are/were processing different ways. Like I said, some days are better than others, just take it day by day.
Don't let depression run you
Depression, to me, is like a disease. And personally, and I'm sure all of you would agree that none of you like to think that it is at all. As I said in the beginning, I cannot take it any longer. Meaning I have gotten tired of letting this depression "run" my days. I felt trapped and alone. I would get so down that I would just want to lay in bed and almost, literally, beat myself. Why?! Yeah I don't know, just don't ask. But I was/wanted to do that, rather than going to my friends house like they had asked me to do. But instead, I was a coward, and came up with excuses to tend to my emptiness and sadness that dwelled inside of me. To make myself feel better, I would sit down and write, yes, just like now. I would write out my feelings, thoughts, quotes, etc. I would also go to 7cupsoftea.com (go check it out) and talk to people online who have never met me and I would get to share my feelings and story with. Occasionally, I would break down to my friends and family and they would comfort me and tell me exactly what I needed to hear. "You're beautiful" and "You're worth it." And you are, you are!
You matter and it will be okay
I know, you feel worthless. Like a burden, alone, and just plain awful. Trust me, I know I've been there and sometimes I have setbacks. You don't understand, and neither did I. A friend always told me not to refer to it as "My depression" (he's obviously right), followed with inspirational and forgiving Bible verses and telling me about the one person who will always forgive me and love me unconditionally, God. We are all made perfect in His eyes. To God, we are ALL perfect. Who cares about what anyone else thinks of you? I learned to trust in God, and knew that everything will work out. He will provide. You have a destiny and a meaning in this world, and I promise, it might take a while, but you will realize it and you will find yourself. Patience is key.
