You are better off without them.

Remember hearing those words?

Maybe the last time you ended a relationship. Reach back even further and maybe it was your mom comforting you after a failed friendship. Perhaps a family member you once trusted is now cut off.

Chances are, you have probably even said those exact words yourself. Probably to yourself and definitely to others.

We take those words as comforting during a time of social grieving. Now that we are unchained and free, we are better off.

A disclaimer, before I begin to tear those words apart. There are, unfortunately, unhealthy relationships. If you are emotionally, physically, or verbally abused, please leave the relationship. If you can’t do so safely, get help.

Here comes the but.

Too often, in this society of ours, we give up for reasons of personal convenience. We end relationships, romantic or not because they weren’t helping us get where we were going. Let me be clearer: they ceased to be a means to an end.

I would have been very guilty of this had I ever participated in dating before my current relationship. As a political science guru with the personality of an ENTJ, marriage as a means of mutual success always seemed like the good alternative to the messy world of romantic love. Give me respect, trust, and compatible resumes and I was just fine.

Fortunately, I didn’t date in high school and the man who swept me off my feet in college was willing to pursue me in a Godly manner while I slowly became a little less formulaic and yes, manipulative, about my life.

The haters are gonna hate. Falling in love and choosing to love a man who doesn’t have the same political aspirations as me is risky business according to some. It’s true, that if we get married and settle down, my life will be filled with compromises. Compromises are good for marriage, they can be bad for making it to a top of a career ladder quickly.

So yes, perhaps my career would be better off without him. For that matter, many of my friendships fall into that same category. Most careers are all about who you know and most of our college friends aren’t going to be the ones to give us a job.

The logic is not completely flawed. And honestly, it feels good to hear those words in a period of grief. But wouldn’t it be better to never hear those words?

My friends like to say I am emotionally constipated. After almost 21 years of life, my only consistent confidant is my mother (she is pretty much the best mum). I attempted to enter college with the philosophy of being on my own. As an extrovert, it isn’t that I would swear off people, it was more just a don’t get too close. My friends wore me down. They saw the real me, not just me that wants to conquer the world. It took us several late night beach runs and trips to St. Mary’s, but it happened.

I guess the point I am trying to make is that the saying is true. However, not every true statement proves to be words to live by. My career could be better off if I focused near 100% of my effort on it. I would love it, I know myself. The rush of work is exciting enough that I might even work for free (okay, maybe not completely free).

I won’t be cliché and say "but if no one is on top with you, then what is it worth?" Because honestly, I am not sure I would care.

Instead, I have decided not to allow myself or others to put me in a box. When you are told that you are better off without them, you are being limited in your abilities. You are being told that you can’t achieve your career goals with other human beings by your side.

It's true that relationships can be career threatening. I apologize in advance for this analogy, but there is no one way to skin a cat. Human relationships don’t have to hurt us. If we let them, they can even help us.

Us career driven guys and gals are not better off without others. Riding solo is one of the ways of accomplishing goals, riding in tandem is certainly another. Next time we are faced with toughing out a friendship or romantic relationship through bumpy roads don't use the excuse of your career goals to end it. If you both hold an unselfish love for each other, then success is an option. It is time that we stop running from fear that we can’t love others and better ourselves. If you are willing, you might just be able to have your cake and eat it too.

And it tastes pretty sweet.