Like many people, I have instances in my life that make me wish I could turn back the clock in order to do things differently. If I had said something else, would the outcome have been the same? If I had chosen another path rather than the one I took, would I still be the same person that I am today? These “what if” scenarios haunt me to the point where I even find myself daydreaming about what my life could have been if I had just made a different split second decision.
Maybe if I had done better in high school, and studied for that one chemistry test, maybe I would have gotten a better grade in that class leading to a better chance at getting into the college I had wanted to get into.
Maybe if I had focused harder in my sport, and had really pushed myself into being the player I knew I could be, I could have made it further in my water polo career.
Maybe if I had taken the time to notice my friends feelings and the way we were drifting apart, I could have recognized the signs before the big falling out that caused me to lose a lot of my friendships.
I’m plagued by this awareness that the choices I have made in the past and am still making today follow me and will continue to follow me until my last dying breathe.
In one of my favorite movies, "Letters to Juliet," this quote really touched me — “‘What’ and ‘if' are two words as non-threatening as words can be, but put them together side by side and they have the power to haunt you for the rest of your life. What if? What if? What if?”
Although I may have doubts at times that my life may have been better if I had made better decisions, I know I have these doubts due to my fear that my choices are going to have a huge negative impact on my life. What I seem to always forget is that I was raised by amazing parents and grandparents who taught me to trust my instincts. To trust the ones I love the most. And to let God help guide me. With all of these things, I know life is going to be OK, even if I have to go through a few bumps and get a few bruises along the way.
