My dearest friend,
First of all, all I can say is: I’m so very sorry.
I’m so sorry that he didn’t see the wonder that you are. He didn’t see how beautiful you are, especially on the inside. He didn’t see your thoughtfulness, your bright personality that is always an adventure and appreciates and celebrate everything that you are. I am so sorry that you are feeling this pain in your chest that hurts so deep that you can’t breathe. Everything you see is a harsh reminder of all of the memories and all of the plans that you had. You feel that they are withered away and fallen to the ground, dried off the vibrant colors that they once were.
The most painful part of this is your loss. Not necessarily losing him, because, let’s face it: you deserve so much more. You lose the joy that your memories once brought you. The loss of anticipation of your future. The worst thing is the loss of feeling you have to plan some of the most important parts of your lives. How is he going to propose? What should wedding be like? Losing permission to picture what that day is going to be. Thinking about your future houses: what does he need and what could the house have to fit his hobbies? So many things are lost now and the pain is unbearable at times.
I know you’re angry right now. You’re so hurt and sad and fuming and working your way through the stages of grief. I promise that the pain will subside and so will the angry. Someday someone one will ask you how you are, and you will smile and say “good,” and you won’t be lying. You just have to get through these first few days and it will get better. The best way for you to move on is to pick up your head and start appreciating the little things around you: a sunny morning while driving to work. Getting a text from a friend or even reaching out and sending one first. A polite stranger that waits to hold the door or tells you that you have a beautiful smile. Appreciate your friends and family around you. If you forget them, they may not be around forever.
I want you to know that I need you to know that it’s going to be ok. That someday you’re going to wake up and the pain and the memories and thoughts and items around the room are going to be bearable again. One day, they aren’t going to matter so much, your pain and anger are going to be much less and they are going to be replaced with a feeling of contentment for what your life is at this moment and knowing that it is always moving and changing. You’re going to meet someone else who will put your version of a perfect other half to shame and they are going to have qualities that you didn’t even know you needed. He will have assets that strengthen things about yourself you didn’t even know were thin and he is going to shine bright lights on things you didn’t even know a person could appreciate. I promise you this happened for a reason. It happened so someone better can fill in the place and make you happier than you ever thought possible and make forgiveness easier than you ever thought imaginable.
Sincerely,
Your best friend with your best interests in mind
