You've been with this person for some time now; at first things are great, you had each other swept up in a whirlwind of love. You begin spending every moment possible with this person. You help them with their homework because you want to see them succeed, you cook meals for them to see them smile, and you have sex all the time because it's the best you've ever had, possibly the best you ever will have. Before you know it, this person is your whole world and you believe that you're theirs as well.
Fast-forward a few years, months, weeks, or even days and the dynamic has shifted. You think it's shifted to something more realistic, because the honey-moon phase can't last forever. You're writing their 15-page thesis paper, because even though your partner is smart, they just have so much on their plate and writing just isn't there strong suit. You're preparing dinner for your partner so they will look at you and maybe even say you did a good job at least once that day. You have sex all the time because you're hoping that eventually it will feel the way it used to, or better then before, but it never does.
Relationships have the potential to become toxic in the blink of an eye. Making it hard to get your bearings, and by the time you do, it's hard for you to truly accept that what they're doing to you is wrong, and even harder for you to do something about it.
When the holidays come along being single can be hard, especially on Valentine's Day, there wouldn't be so many people writing and ranting about single life on Valentine's Day and how one can over come it, if it wasn't actually an issue that a lot of people deal with. Don't get me wrong, feeling a little down on Valentine's Day because you're single isn't totally unhealthy and if you listen to the advice that the Internet is overflowing with about self-love and spoiling yourself on that day, the negative mood can even be changed and become a super empowering experience. What is unhealthy is you using Valentine's Day as an excuse to stay in a toxic relationship because you're afraid to be alone, or afraid to start the journey of loving yourself.
Having a fear of being alone on Valentine's Day, that is so intense that you are willing to stay with someone who is essentially toxic, is created because when you first got into this relationship it is likely that they made you feel like they should be the only person in your life. They made you feel like the majority of people you spoke to were not okay with them, often times for reasons that were never even made clear to you in the first place. That being said you are more alone with this person then you ever will be without them, letting go of them is going to allow new friendships to grow, and for a few old ones to resurface. With time you'll see that you were the most alone when you were in your toxic relationship and letting it go allowed you to see just how many people you had on your side all along.
I've thought a lot about why leaving a toxic relationship as a gift to yourself for Valentine's Day is the best gift of all, and there are plenty of reasons. But the one that kept coming to mind was simply that self-love is greater than toxicity. At first I thought that it was because self love is greater than toxic love, but when I thought about it and asked myself, if it's toxic is it really love? My answer is no toxic love is just plain old toxicity in disguise and believing that it is a form of love isn't doing anyone any favors.
Often times self-love is advertised as something that will be the deciding factor of whether or not someone will ever love you. Saying that nobody can ever love you because you don't love your self is saying that because you haven't mastered something that is perhaps the most difficult thing you will ever overcome you are somehow not worthy of love and I think that is simply not true, and if it was a lot less people would find love. I also think that trying to love yourself in order to receive love is a whole different level of wrong because it won't work, you can love yourself so much, but it still won't make the wrong person love you. It will however make waiting for the right person bearable, maybe even wonderful, because you'll be doing something for you, not in order to gain approval from your future partner.
At the end of the day, self-love is a hard thing for a lot of people to grasp. But it's even harder when you have someone making you feel bad about yourself, especially someone that you want to be with. So yes, ending your relationship may be the best Valentine's Day present you can give yourself, because it's starting you on a journey that's so much larger then a break up, and so much more then giving you the chance to find love in someone else. Falling in love with another person is something rare and beautiful, but it's safe to say it's a love story that we are all saturated in. Falling in love with yourself is equally if not more beautiful and rare because it's not something we see everyday.
