First off, I’ve never had my heart broken because I was broken up with. But I have had two horrendously gut-wrenching heartbreaks in my life because of my two best friends. I never thought I’d get over one, and then when I finally did… the next hit me like a ton of bricks mixed with six million dumpster trucks filled with cement that left me unable to trust anyone or anything. So, here it goes.

I hope you see what you’re missing.

I hope you scroll through my Instagram pictures, stalk my Twitter and replay my Snapchat stories over and over and see how much fun I’m having since you left a gaping hole in my heart where my person was supposed to be. Just know, I’m doing the same to you and it killed me when you said your freshman year roommate was ‘your person.’ Never did I once think you wouldn’t be part of my life anymore, that you wouldn’t know who I was dating or what was making me angry or how I completely bombed my college algebra test. You missed when I got seven inches cut off my hair, when I had to move dorms because my roommate was psycho, and "Twilight" movie marathons that were dedicated to our past. I had to hear about your parents adopting a baby through Facebook. I hate that I’m not there for that. But I hate that you don’t care enough to call me — to try and right your wrong.

I’m still not okay.

I could pretend I’m great, but that’s not the truth. I’m happy with my life because it’s really awesome, but I feel loneliness at night when we would usually call each other and talk for hours after you moved away. I never felt the need for a boyfriend to tell about my day and my thoughts because I had you. You understood everything. Until you didn’t. Until you broke my trust and every day I question if I’m doing the right thing, trusting the right people because no one gets me like you did, but no one has the power to hurt me right now. What hurts me most is your lack of effort. Every time I try to give you the benefit of the doubt I have to realize you aren’t even attempting an apology or trying to gain back the trust you lost. And someone who doesn’t care enough to see how I’m doing or say sorry, doesn’t deserve what I try to give.

I want to thank you.

I don’t know if I can ever get over this heartbreak because you were my childhood best friend, my sister, and I still consider you my person. Because of all of that, I’d like to thank you. Thank you for eight great years of friendship, for having a family that treated me like their own, and for teaching me the hardest thing to do in life is walking away from a toxic friendship. You were someone I relied on too much because I knew you cared about me. I made excuses for your behavior and gave you a thousand second chances because I couldn’t bear not having you in my life. I thought you were the Samantha to my Carrie, but Samantha was a much better friend than you. I’m realizing that while your caring was needed for that portion in my life, I deserve so much better. I deserve a best friend who doesn’t lie about everything for attention, one who doesn’t make it all about her, and certainly not one who goes behind my back with the guy I care for. Thank you for showing me that. I wish you well.