Why do you impose on yourself this need to fight to prove yourself? Why do you equate imperfection with insufficiency?
Dear heavens, you are stubborn. You just refuse to believe me, believe everyone, when we tell you just how unfathomably incredible you are. You refuse to accept that we see the light shining within you, that you don’t have to fight to be known. I get it, I really do- you don’t just want to be good, you want to be enough.
But friend, you’re not.
You never will be.
Not by your standards.
You can know you’re intelligent. You can know you’re personable, know you're driven, compassionate, personable, just a touch silly. You can know you have something special, but you’ll never stop comparing yourself to who you could be. Friend, you are not who you could be; neither is anyone else. So let me tell you who you are, in my eyes.
You are brilliant, the epitome of human enterprise. You are kind and so loyal, always making sure your loved ones know you’re on their side. You are full of bright ideas and valuable insights. Your smile can fuel me through a bad day (and that’s not a cliché, but a testament to how valuable you are to those around you, including me).
Friend, you are more anxious than most anyone I know (that, coming from a girl who is well acquainted with mental illness). I worry about you. I know, though, you are going to be a great success… I only wish you didn’t burden yourself so in the meantime. Stressing yourself until you are ill is not going to boost (your perception of) your achievements. Trying to fit together others' feelings toward you like a puzzle is not going to change their view of you, nor your own. Downtime is not a shortcoming; needing to rest- or even just wanting rest- is not a flaw. It’s part of the human design.
We see these CEO’s and politicians and even TV personalities glamorizing their lifestyle, talking about how they worked their way to the top. And yes, we should try to follow suit. But behind every success story is an opportunity; don’t get so wrapped up in the could and should that you fail to recognize what is right in front of you waiting for you to take advantage of. Whatever success means to you on a given day, remember that small things like enjoying the weather or completing a quiz are blessings as well.
College is challenging for everyone. It’s made harder for people pleasers and for perfectionists- does that sound familiar? But my friend, you are pleasing to me, and to so many others. My friend, you will never be perfect, but that does not mean you aren’t worthy. You are more than just smart or single or any of the labels you feel the weight of on a given day. I wish you saw what I see in you. I wish you didn’t spend so much time worrying that those you care about won’t love or respect you the way you so desire.
Friend, remember to have fun. It sounds so basic, but if you forget this, forget your passions and hobbies and the way your heart jumps for joy (not just anxiety), you lose yourself. Scrambling for more will not alone bring you peace. Take care of yourself, mentally, physically, emotionally. I do not and cannot have the words to sooth your exhausted mind and aching heart if you do not know first who you are- and Whose you are.
As much as I care, I’d be remiss not to remind you, first and foremost, what God says about you. Yes, YOU, in particular. First off, I’d direct you to Psalm 139 as a whole. Also, Ecclesiastes 3 is a healthy dose of perspective. Then,
Ephesians 2:10- “For we are God’s masterpiece, created anew in Christ Jesus to do the good works He laid out for us long ago.”
Romans 8:28- “And we know that He works all things for the good of those who love Him and are called according to His purpose."
Proverbs 23:18- “Surely there is a future, and your hope will not be cut off.”
Isaiah 58:11- "And the Lord will guide you continually and satisfy your desire in scorched places and make your bones strong; and you shall be like a watered garden, like a spring of water, whose waters do not fail."
Nowhere here does it say that you must work harder, achieve by your own merit, or rely on your own plans. Instead, we are told to “lean not on your own understanding… And He will make your paths straight” (Proverbs 3:5-6). It’s in His hands.
Friend, I love you more than any impromptu Walmart runs, deep conversations, or overexcited giggles can convey. But beyond that, I believe in you, and I know deep down, you believe in you, too. I am always here for dinner and study dates, for hugs or rant sessions when you’re feeling down, and to celebrate your every success. Do not be afraid to ask for help. Do not be afraid to love yourself the way I love you. You inspire me, and I will believe in you even on the days you do not believe in yourself.
