Do you remember that day after school, when we sat in your car with the seats laid all the way back? We turned off the radio and our cell phones and we just laid there, looking up at the upholstery on the ceiling. Remember how we talked about living next door to each other after we graduated and settled down with careers? We talked about how our husbands would grow to be best friends and how our kids would fall in love. We reminisced on all of our greatest hits, of parties we crashed together, mischief we caused. It was you and I, always and forever, or at least that’s what you promised.
But life came at us fast and hard, and we didn’t realize how much we would have to try in order to hold on. It started gradually, slowly, little by little, we grew apart. It began with forgetting to text back, and then missed FaceTime dates, and then a fight that normally would never have even phased us, that sent us burning to the ground. I remember sitting there with my phone in my hand, after everything was said and done, and reliving our playlist of adventures in my head once more. All the nights sneaking out of our parent’s houses, and late night car rides, but most of all, the promises we made to each other now laid shattered on the floor.
I think about our friendship often and the way it blew up. I used to blame myself and go over and over in my head about how things ended and what I could have done differently to change it. But I realize now that, some things just aren’t meant to last forever. The adventures we had were some of my happiest times and I wouldn’t trade them for anything. The memories we made together shaped who I am today and I hope you look back on them fondly as I do. But they were always meant to just be memories.
I know we promised each other forever, but we were too young to realize that we don’t always have control on how long people are meant to stay in our lives. We weren’t meant to grow side by side. Now looking back, I think that if we had tried, neither of us would have grown at all. Losing you sucked, but it forced me out of my comfort zone. I used you as a safety net and was content just standing still with you by my side.
I’m sorry now for spending so much time being upset over all the broken promises. I was just so mad, at you and myself, for losing it all. I was just so mad that you forgave yourself before I did, before I could. I spent so long focusing on the fight, that I forgot to be grateful for everything that came before that. I don’t regret being your best friend, and I hope you don’t take this the wrong way, but I don’t regret drifting apart either. I love where I ended up and who I became and I hope you feel the same way too. But I’d be lying if I said I still don’t think about that day, sitting in your passenger seat and talking about everything we were going to be. I wonder if you knew you were lying when you said forever, or did life turn the tables on you too.
