Oh dear, it's that time of year again where your parents ask you to make that Christmas list of yours.
Long are the days when we were kids and it was as easy as putting down heelys, easy bake oven, game-boy, rock em sock em robots, polly pockets, and moon shoes. Yes, those days are over but don't get your tinsel in a tangle.
For all you college students, I have a list for you that sleighs!
1. Motivation
"Sorry, I can't go to work tomorrow. I fractured my motivation"
2. Consistent 4.0 GPA
"Without sacrificing my life"
3. Not have to spend an arm and a leg and my life and my soul to pay for college
"Go to college they said. You'll find love they said. I just found debt, Netflix, and headaches"
4. Hammock
"So I can show people how my life is going. Just try standing on it"
5. A ban on relatives asking about your love life
"Its non-existent because I didn't forward those chain messages back in 2008. Now stop asking"
6. Pizza onesies
"To match my best friend...pizza"
7. Money
"Someone explain to me why college students are traveling all over the
world and I just whipped out my coin jar and used quarters to pay for my
coffee and breakfast"
8. Bobby pins and long eyelashes
"To help hold my life together and lashes to fly me away from the world"
9. Time travel device
"Back to being a kid where everyone was proud of you for taking a nap.
Anyways, if anyone needs me, I'll be in my blanket fort, coloring"
10. Time management skills
"I have a 'why am I like this' moment at least 4 times a day"
11. Calendar
"Its already December? Time flies when your life is falling apart"
12. Good beer at parties
"That don't taste like pee-water"
13. Future plans
"I just want to be happy with no BS. Endless the BS stands for Bags and Shoes."
14. A watch to keep track of all the time I waste
"Oh I have 10 papers due Monday, have $-100 in my savings account,
haven't studied for finals, have a project due at 11:59 tonight I
haven't started yet, grocery shopping to do because I haven't eaten for a
couple days, parents to call back, and need to find a job. Let's do non
of that and take this online quiz to determine what kind of potato I
am"
15. Food
"I mean real food that's not ramen or pizza heated by a hair dryer"
16. Sleep in general
"And i don't mean the sleep you get when your eyes close from a sneeze"
17. Nice palette of eye-shadow and maybe some concealer
"Because wearing a dark shade of exhaustion gets old"
18. Laminator
"To laminate my notes so the tears roll off"
19. Prizes in Tampax boxes
"Periods suck, so here's a coupon for free ice cream you cranky b*tch"
20. Mint Gum.
"To make your breath sweet, minty, and fresh because no matter what
evil, horrible, pissed off thing you say because of how life likes to
screw with you, at least it won't smell like it"
21. Noise canceling headphones
"To block out your haters. Or just everyone"
22. Dark shades. Preferably Ray Bans
"To hide the tears in style"
23. Coffee magically appearing right as you wake up every morning
"And a nice ole mug to go with it. Not for the coffee but to hold those tears"
24. Stop catching feelings
"Feelings should be featured on 1000 ways to die"
25. On the other hand, it would be nice to find someone who shares in with your weirdness, rude comments, sarcastic undertones, and more of your weirdness
"But... that'll probably never happen. So sing it with me, 'Single bell, single bell, single all the way!'"
What other things do you wish you could put on your Christmas list?
