The Best Of Ari Gold Every D*ckhead Can Appreciate
Start writing a post
Entertainment

The Best Of Ari Gold Every True D*ckhead Can Appreciate

WARNING: Sincere apologies in advance to those Ari would make cry IRL.

1433
https://www.vice.com/en_us/article/9k8p4z/jeremy-pivens-stand-up-made-me-quit-my-comedy-job
HBO

"Entourage" chronicles the ups and downs of Hollywood's A-List rising star, Vincent Chase, along with his childhood best friends as they leave Queens to take on Los Angeles to make something of their (hopeful) dawning careers. With the newly abused lifestyle of the rich and the famous, the New Yorkers owe it all to Chase's agent, Ari Gold— whom without a doubt takes the cake on being the best character throughout the duration of the series.

Ari Gold is the definition of a stud. His horrifying foul language is something that can only be appreciated by those with extremely thick skin and a gold-mine sense of humor. His offensive and undiplomatic persona essentially ironically was the glue behind the show's success year after year. Jeremy Piven, who played Ari Gold, even won two Primetime Emmy Awards for his legendary performance on the series.

There's absolutely no way to pinpoint each one of Ari's most stellar antics but here's 40 of his most glorious moments on "Entourage" every true d*ckhead can appreciate:

1. "I came, I saw, I conquered. I'm like f*cking Caesar."

2. “Call me Helen Keller, because I’m a f*cking miracle worker!”

3. "Nobody’s happy in this town except for the losers. Look at me, I’m miserable. That’s why I’m rich."

4. "The anger meds didn't make me calm, they just made me not able to c*m, which just made me angry and just made my wife sore."

5. "There's no asterisks in this life, only scoreboards, and ours is currently reading 'f*cked.'" 

6. "REALLY????"

7. "I will prevail because I'm a winner and you're a whore with more cleavage than talent, and I will not stop until I destroy you."

8. "The land down under, we're gonna get drunk with Russel Crowe and head-butt some God damn kangaroos." 

9. "Lloyd, pile everything you see into a box. Everything. You see a used condom, an executioner's mask, and a God damn spiked paddle don't think, just pack that b*tch. Chop suey!"

10. "Let's hug it out, b*tch." 

11. "When my father gave away my car, I was forced to lose my virginity on the back of a moped."

12. "SHUT. THE. F*CK. UP. LLOYD."

13. "Just so you know, your girlfriend, when she was in the mail room, offered to blow me. True story."

14. "We might be whores at my agency but we ain't pimps." 

15. "You will always be the gay son I never wanted, Lloyd."

16. "We're going to hell, so bring your sunblock."

17. "I'm sorry, I’d love to congratulate you all personally but unfortunately Barbara’s c*ck is all I can handle." 

18. "I gotta know what you think so I can tell you what I want you to think."

19. "You will come back stronger then ever. Like Lance Armstrong, but with two balls." 

20. "I'm not threatening your jobs, I'm threatening your lives." 

21. "I will deport you naked to the Taliban!"

22. “You know that your man has broken out of the Oompa-Loompa factory and is up to no good?”

23. “A shattered world is what you get when you mess with Ari Gold.”

24. "Incase your ears are f*cked, GET. THE. F*CK. OUT!"

25. "Lloyd, bust out your pink rolodex. Call every queer assistant you know and tell them to open their mouths like J.T.'s gonna drop a load in it. I want you hype this b*tch!"

26. "Yeah, and Hilary Swank has a vagina, but she won an Oscar pretending she has a d*ck. That’s what actors do. They pretend."

27. "Are you a communist? Or a socialist? Or didn’t they tell you the difference at Pepperoni U?"

28. "I’ll tell you what, Domino’s is hiring. Why don’t you put that little pizza sign on top of your Maserati. Now that's comedy."

29. "You’re Tom? Lloyd’s Tom? I don’t get it. You’re a good looking guy, you could get girls."

30. "Your physical appearance has left you no reason to ever feel confident."

31. "He’s a businessman, Eric. Not your prom date who still has a grudge on you because you didn’t f*ck her right."

32. "I love a liar, but I hate a cheater."

33. "Silence, Lloyd. It's golden."

34. "But if you want a Beverly Hills mansion and you want a country club membership, and you want nine weeks a year in a Tuscan Villa, then I’m gonna need to take a call when it comes in, at noon, on a mother f*cking Wednesday."

35. "To be successful, you need friends. To be very successful, you need enemies."

36. "Variety is like a high school paper. They pay their writers 28 grand a year to find out something to write about the popular kids.”

37. "I don’t know what he is, Vince. He could be Mossad, he could be Hezbollah, neither would suprise me."

38. "Ernesto! How many f*cking pesos did I give you for Christmas? Huh, Ernesto? Every Christmas, for the past decade! Half of Mexico is eating on my chip that I’ve given you. Now bring my mother f*cking car now! Por favor!"

39. "It’s called aging, Terrence. Not everyone can stay young by sucking the blood of their employees."​

40. "We have enough money for five lifetimes, all right? I'm not saying it's gonna be forever but Sarah is going to college and this will be great for Jonah. But more importantly, it will be great for us, ok? And that's all that matters to me. I would marry you a thousand times over. You are the love of my life. I wouldn't know what I'd do with myself without you."

Report this Content
This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.
Featured

Planning Another Christmas Party

Don't just plan another plain party but get creative to have everyone wanting to come back next year!

5381
Getty Famous

You know it's Christmas when the radio stations change to all of your favorite holiday tunes, the air is still, and stores have the best sales. With all my favorite things from Christmas happening my least favorite probably has to be when I have to go to another same old boring Christmas party that I get invited to every year. Here are some Christmas party ideas so that you won't have another sad Christmas party.

Keep Reading... Show less
Featured

High School Soccer is Wildly Important

For Young Players Who Want to Succeed at The Next Level

10448
High School Soccer is Wildly Important

Whose choice is it? The parent? The player? There are a number of reasons that a kid may sit out of high school soccer, and to be completely honest; It is a huge mistake. High school soccer is the final piece in the puzzle that takes a player from above average or elite, to college ready by the end of their senior year. Every year thousands of talented athletes don't play for their high schools. Why though?

Keep Reading... Show less
Featured

8 Things That Should Be On Everyone's Holiday To-Do List

December is around the corner, are you ready?

8960
8 Things That Should Be On Everyone's Holiday To-Do List
Unsplash.com

As they tend to say, its the most wonderful time of the year! People have begun to compile their Christmas to-do lists in anticipation for the season of sugarplums and gingerbread.

The history of the Christmas to-do lists goes back hundreds of years, almost as old as the holiday itself, however, people tend to fall out of this habit as they get older. This is unfortunate, as the theme of Christmas tradition can add bundles of the spirit of joy to your families.

Keep Reading... Show less
Featured

Fall Weather Must-Haves

Put away the swim suits and your favorite high-waisted shorts!

9215

The transitional months of fall can cause some fashion headaches as you try to figure out what clothing to keep in your closet. With limited amount of college living space and the ever-unpredictable Nebraska weather, sometimes it’s difficult to know what should be taking up that precious closet space as you transition into winter. As you pack away those tanks and shorts for the chilly months ahead, get your closet ready with a few Fall must-haves. 

Keep Reading... Show less
Content Inspiration

Top 3 Response Articles of This Week

Take a look at the articles driving big conversations on Odyssey.

8191
https://www.theodysseyonline.com/video/we-are-rollins-odyssey
https://www.theodysseyonline.com/video/we-are-rollins-odyssey

At Odyssey, we're on a mission to encourage constructive discourse on the Internet. That's why we created the response button you can find at the bottom of every article.

Keep Reading... Show less

Subscribe to Our Newsletter

Facebook Comments