In order for gold to be refined into its most perfect and raw form, it must be put through fire and endure some type of pressure. Our journey as individuals parallels with the refining process of gold; we would simply not be able to fully embrace our human experience and the full waves of life without going through some type of adversity in order to become true gold. Through this adversity, it is beneficial to remain in the present and to be fully aware of the "refining" process that inevitably happens. This is called growth.
Growth and change are often scary words to look at and verbs that are intimidating to conquer. Within the last year, my patience has been tested, my love has been taken for granted, and my enormous heart has been on an unwanted roller coaster. This was a different type of adrenaline that I was not familiar with, nor fond of. Through the late nights I would often question my own intentions: why am I exhausting myself? I'm just being the person I was raised to be... but why do I feel tired?
Eventually, I grew tired of being tired. It took me a while to realize this, however, I'm extremely thankful for the consecutive moments of clarity that I had within a short period of time. I've reached a point in my life where I have the urge to be selfish. I tried to ignore this urge because being selfish is something I'm unfamiliar with; being selfless is what I can truly attest to.
This urge has been rooted within in me for quite some time and it became hard to ignore. My mind, body, and soul were all disconnected and on different tracks. I felt so out of whack with no internal peace. I began to make some changes in my life, some minor and some major. This is the moment I realized that I started to fall in love with the girl I was becoming, and I'm excited for her to reach her full potential.
Being selfish should no longer have the negative connotation that it has been given. I like to dissect the word into two parts: "self" and well, "ish." Essentially, put "self" in front of a few positive, but powerful words (which would be all the extra "ish"). Therefore, being selfish encourages self-growth, self-worth, self-love, self-confidence... you know, the good ish! This doesn't mean to become arrogant or narcissistic, and it certainly doesn't require you to love people any less.
It refocuses the mind, body, and soul onto one track, so they can coexist peacefully. It helps you to see that loving yourself is the most rewarding feeling in the world. It forces you to be comfortable when saying "no" to people. It guides you through the process of creating your best self. It teaches you to listen to your body and keep your mental health in tact. It shows you how to balance the relationship you have with yourself and the ones you truly can't live without. Selfishness helps you to be the best version of yourself possible. So much so, that you'd marry yourself if you could.
It's normal, healthy, human and natural to want to better yourself. Everyone's journey is different, so don't ever feel like you aren't worthy of taking the time necessary to become the person you're longing to be. We are all a work in progress, but remember there are no mistakes. Only beautiful lessons to be learned and more knowledge and wisdom to be gained. Just because somebody's backyard grass is already green does not mean you aren't planting a whole forest in yours.
All in all, it is OK to be selfish. Set an example for yourself and follow your own lead. Be your best friend. Be so in love with yourself that it is nearly impossible for anyone to knock you off that high horse you've worked so hard to build and maintain. Focus on you and that will speak volumes. Lastly, don't get discouraged, for this process can be timely and unique to every individual. But we're too worried about our own grass to notice if their's is any greener, right? Right, so let's get back to work.