Vulnerability is something we dread as humans. It takes us out of our comfort zones. We don’t want people to think we are weak, so we don’t ask for help. We don’t want people to think of us as attention-craving, so we push our feelings down. We don’t want to put our burdens on others, so we don’t talk about things that are bothering us. But in reality being a receiver of help from others, actually means you are the giver.
One weekend I was staying with my grandma and as a typical college student would, I brought over a bunch of laundry. It was about one week’s worth of laundry and it was probably going to take three to four loads. As my grandma put the second load in, I was laying down on her bed and she asked if I would like a cup of tea. I felt lousy accepting it because she had been doing so much for me. I said I could do it myself and then she told me something that I believe I am going to live by for the rest of my life.
She told me, “Allowing people to do things for you means that you are the giver. Showing your vulnerability and admitting you need help says a lot more about you than the person giving the help.”
Obviously, she was talking about much more than a cup of tea. The cup of tea symbolizing the help I needed, and me denying it was a result of not wanting to put my burdens on her. She knew this.
Throughout the stress and challenges of everyday life, admitting you need help means so much more to the person offering it than it does to you. It provides a sense of worth to others in a way that can’t be compared to telling someone how much they mean to you. Doing a physical act of love, kindness, or even listening resonates more to the helper than the receiver. Allowing a friend to help you, provides a sense of accomplishment to them and also allows them feel good about themselves.
Not only providing a sense of worth, showing vulnerability means you’re stronger than the ones who push their feelings down. You are stronger in the sense that you care enough about yourself to make sure you are not alone in any given situation and have someone to help you.
According to the Huffington Post, one in five Americans suffer from persistent loneliness. Granted, it is almost impossible to be happy in every given moment of your life, but how you choose to handle those moments can go a long way in defining your overall happiness. You can choose to waste the precious time you have on Earth by focusing on negative aspects of any situation, or you can shake off the insignificant negatives and make every moment valuable for you and others around you. It is all in the way you think. Think positive, live positive. Think negative, live negative. Your mentality is your reality. Whatever is going on in your head, will be displayed through your actions and words.
Now I know putting a positive spin on a world you think is against you can feel impossible, but finding an outlet to accompany you with the weight of the world is a simple solution. Be vulnerable, get out of your comfort zone and find trust in someone who genuinely wants to help you.
I wish I would have realized this sooner, so I wouldn’t have made some of the mistakes I’ve made in my life. But realizing this as a freshman in college while also being over a thousand miles away from family and friends has shown me I don’t need to feel alone. This new approach helps my friends and family who care about me realize they have a sense of worth and gives greater meaning and substance to our relationships. Ultimately, making me the giver.
