If you know me or have ever even seen me walking past you on the way to class, you probably know that I could be the poster child for the "resting bitch face." I can count on one hand the number of pictures I am smiling in, and three of them were forced at the request of the photographer. My demeanor is not particularly warm or inviting, and I am well aware of this. It is not my goal to appear cold and unapproachable, this is simply just how I am. Once you get to know me, you know that besides my biting sarcasm and slight narcissism, I am not that scary. I wouldn’t say I am anywhere near Mother Theresa but, contrary to popular belief, I do not want to kill you--that’s just my face.

I have been told countless times that I am unapproachable, and most of my friends will attest to the fact that they either were terrified of me upon meeting me or that they were convinced I hated them. I don’t mean to give off this terrifyingly bitchy vibe, but I am aware that I do. This is especially challenging when it comes to meeting new people, and I am still working on appearing less like a murderer and more like a normal person to those I am just meeting. Part of the problem is that, not only is this standoffish demeanor part of my personality, as I am generally not warm or affectionate anyway, but it has become my defense mechanism and I have grown comfortable with this front. It is much easier to be the one people are afraid of, especially when you are afraid of people. Instead of letting my anxiety get the best of me, I have created this façade where I exude disinterest and confidence. Until you get to know me, you cannot tell that I am panicking at the mere thought of uncertain social interactions, and thus, I seem unapproachable.

It is a lot more difficult to appear approachable when your resting face looks like you are thinking about killing yourself or everyone around you, coupled with the fact that you are constantly worried about embarrassing yourself in front of strangers. I suppose it doesn’t help that I wear all black and don’t let myself smile because I don’t like the way I look, but I am learning to loosen up and just let myself be. I have probably scared away a lot of people by being so unapproachable, and it takes me much longer to form lasting relationships because I won’t let myself open up. I want to be the kind of person people feel comfortable around, because I surely would never have the courage to talk to myself and I can see why people might feel threatened.

I think the most important part of being unapproachable is appreciating those friends that were willing to look past your hardened exterior and get to know you, even if that is from a safe distance because they are not 100% sure you won’t hurt them. The people that seem the most unapproachable and confident may actually be the most insecure, and you will never know unless you bridge that gap. Most people, especially those that use defense mechanisms like appearing cold and uninviting, would never have the courage to make the first move, so while it may seem daunting at first, it is much appreciated when someone puts their reasonable fears aside and allows you to show them you are not as mean as you look.