For the majority of my life I was raised in rural Midwestern towns. Towns where there is little to no diversity to be found. The population of these little towns are about 90:10 Caucasian to minorities. Due to this lack of ethnic multiplicity, I often find myself in one role that is very familiar to me: the Token Black Friend.
I know, I know. You're probably asking yourself...
What is a Token Black Friend?
According to Urban Dictionary, a token black friend is "the only African-American in a group of friends." Being the token black friend is similar to being an Oreo, white on the inside yet black on the outside. The token black friend is relatable to them and they feel safe around him or her.
People get comfortable enough with your presence as their friend and sometimes say things that shouldn't be said:
"I forget that you're black sometimes."
This is the most common phrase you encounter as a TBF. This is when we need to gently remind everyone that there is no certain way to act or be an ethnicity. Our genetic make-up determines our ethnic background not our interests, hobbies or friends. There is no wrong or right way to "be" black (or any other race for that matter.)
"Can I touch your hair?"
People somehow act like ethnic hair is this exotic animal that's for their amusement. I get that you think you're being friendly, trust me you aren't. Unless you are styling someone's hair (with their permission!) hands off.
"Can you teach me how to whip/nae nae/dougie?"
Kudos to you for realizing that your dance skills are sub par. Admitting you have a problem is the first step towards solving the problem. However, asking your TBF to teach you *insert latest black dance craze* is not only incredibly racist, but also incredibly insensitive. Again, if you know that your friend can dance and would be open to teaching, this is a different scenario. But don't ask the only black person you know to show you these moves. For all you know, they could be insecure about the pressures put on them by society and may not even know how to 'correctly' do these dances (*ahem* me.)
These things aside, there are some pretty rad things about being the TBF:
You feel special, like all the time.
You're the only one like you in your group of friends, so you stand out. People always notice you and always want your opinion (whether you want to give it or not.) Depending on the length of your friendships, sometimes you even develop funny jokes about being the only black friend.
You get a platform to educate your white friends about racial micro-aggressions and inequalities, should you choose to do so.
What better way to teach than from the inside? Your white friends already trust you so you won't be coming off as 'preachy' (not that being called that should stop your activism, but that's a whole other article in itself!) You can truly make a difference in how you and all other POC are treated by your friends. When you make it known what is and isn't okay you affect the way that your peers will interact with any other non-white person in their lives.
I wouldn't trade anything or change the experiences that I have had being the Token Black Friend. Positive or negative, they have led to me becoming the person I am today; someone who is unashamed of their heritage, fighting for racial equality/social and civil justice and most importantly someone that I am proud to be. Love your melanin and don't let anyone define what it is to be you!
