Most people have a large group of people they are related to that they can love and depend on. That's what family is supposed to be. Some people don't have that. Some people have to choose their true family. Myself, I'm only really close to one person in blood-relation to me: my mother. I am on good terms with my grandparents, but am not that close with them.
Our extended family doesn't talk to us. We have tried to make contact throughout the years, and to stay close like a family should be, but it just hasn't worked out. A good relationship with another human being is a two-way street. If the other person doesn't want to be close with you, there's nothing you can do.
Holidays are not a big event for us. It's just the two of us, and we do spend them together, but there are no big family dinners or celebrations. No big gift-giving extravaganza for Christmas. I do miss those from when I was a child, but now that I'm older I can see how toxic the rest of my family was and currently is.
I've learned that the extended family isn't worth my time. They all live in the small town farming community that I was born in, and have that small town mindset. My mother moved us away from there when I was seven so I could grow up with a better education and in a better community. Ever since we moved away, the extended family didn't try to stay in touch, except for being friends on Facebook.
Recently, I have discovered who I am and who I want to be, and that doesn't go with their small town conservative beliefs. I am as liberal as they come, as well as a pansexual, and the family just doesn't want to accept me as who I am. Ever since I realized this, I stopped trying to keep in contact with them. I deleted them off of Facebook so I would stop seeing their negative feeds, and haven't looked back.
I'm living by the mantra "you choose your family." Ever since I decided to do that, I have been a happier person. I'm not really a religious person and don't really believe in the Bible, but there is a quote from it that is commonly mistaken: "The blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb." This is a reference to how bonds formed without blood relation are stronger than those of blood relation. This is something I truly believe in, as you don't get to choose who you're related to, but you can choose who you want to be important in your life.
Though I do believe wholeheartedly in this, there are times where I get a bit down about it. Whenever someone I care about talks about their large families who all love and care for one another, gets a call from a family member or goes to a family function. It makes me wonder what I'm missing. I am happy with who I have in my life, I just wonder sometimes.
Ever since I cut the extended family out of my life, I've been a happier person. I don't have the negativity in the back of my mind that I'll ever have to deal with them again someday. It was like a weight had been lifted off of my shoulders. Some may pity me, but I do still have a family. They just aren't related to me. And I couldn't be happier for it.
