Some call us the guinea pigs of the family, others call us the trailblazers. Either way, we're still given the same title: the oldest child. I have viewed the title of being the oldest through two different lenses. I can personally tell the difference in these perspectives and the impact they can have on families.
The first lens is the "I wish I had a Big Brother." Growing up, I always wanted a big brother. I wished for someone who would stick up for me, support me, someone I could model my life after, and someone I could look up to. Even though an older sister would be great too, having an older brother better modeled what an older sibling looked like to me. I can't express how envious I was going to a friend's house and watching as they interacted with their older siblings. I wasn't asking to be the youngest, by any means. All I wanted was an older brother.
I also didn't want to be the "how-to" dummy manual on parenting. Unfortunately, whether I liked it or not, I was. I'm proud to say I got my parents through their first sleepover, PG-13 movie, Cotillion, PTA meeting, the drama of middle school girls, high school (in all its glory), SAT prep, Graduation, and now Mom and Dad have just completed their first year of college. They're doing great, but for a long time my frazzled parents and I struggled through figuring out the instructions to the parenting manual.
I hated being the oldest of six for a long time. I hated the responsibilities that came with being the first-born. I always had to be the accountable one, the one "in charge" (AKA free babysitting) and constantly being the example for my younger siblings. The worst was when my dad pulled me aside and attempted to give me a "pep talk" about how being oldest and the "leader" of the family was an honor. I always shrugged it off and rolled my eyes, as would any 13-year-old who was too cool to acknowledge her dad might be right.
The second lens is called "Stepping Up to the Job." My senior year of high school was a reality check. I only had one year left with my siblings. It was the last full year we would all live together, the last year normalcy. I constantly asked myself, what impression would I make on them? What would be my legacy as I left for college? This was when I went back to my dad's "pep-talk" and realized he was right. I am the leader. The oldest kid is the one all eyes focus on in the family. Your younger siblings look to you to see what is right and what is wrong. The oldest sets the trajectory for the family with the choices they make throughout life. Whether they like it or not they're the oldest. The pressures on, younger siblings are constantly watching and waiting to see what their older sibling does next.
With years of careful consideration, I can say that being the oldest is one of life's biggest lessons in leadership. They can choose to live in envy of other families and neglect the power they have in influencing other siblings. Or they can live intentionally. Becoming aware of the weight and power given to this title. The oldest has one of the most distinguished roles of the family, and that is shaping the type of people their siblings will become. It is a humbling, frustrating and rewarding experience, but only the select few are chosen for this important job, so do it well.
