If you were to ask somebody for a list of adjectives they would like people to use when describing them, you would probably have a lot of different answers. Kind, pretty, smart, funny, cheerful, caring, brave, etc. Those are just a few that come to mind. It’s fairly safe to say that the word “selfish” would not be an adjective that would be mentioned as a response to the initial question. That’s fair, as why would you want to be known as a selfish being when you could be brilliant or nice instead? Admittedly, I would also prefer to hear various uplifting synonyms if someone had to describe me rather than being told I was selfish.

While it’s completely understandable that people would prefer to be referred to as anything but self-centered, I think that it could do some good for people to be unabashedly selfish when the situation calls for it. When you’re not even the tiniest bit selfish, you can instead be a push-over, a people-pleaser, or a yes-man. It’s not a bad thing to want to make other people happy, but you need to want to make yourself happy, too. If you do too much for others and not enough for yourself, you’ll be constantly drained and feeling empty because you didn’t save enough of your energy to do what you wanted or needed to do.

Of course, there are times when your loved ones might need you and it’s a truly generous and admirable thing to put them first, especially if you’re not always feeling up to the task. There are surely times when you have to do things you don’t want to. It’s part of life. It’s also about being a good person sometimes to partake in something that isn’t so up your alley, but would make your friend/family member/acquaintance happy. There’s also that great feeling you get when you make someone’s day just by doing something nice for them. It’s when it gets in the way of your own imperative happiness on a deeper level that you should be excused from your good person duties. If you’re in an awful mood, had a terrible day, or don’t feel 100% comfortable doing whatever it is they want you to do, then you shouldn’t be made to feel guilty for bailing. Life is too short to spend it always catering to others with no chance to cater to yourself when it’s more than needed. Having a day every so often that’s all about YOU doesn’t make you conceited or indubitably self-serving. To lift others up, you must first lift yourself up. It’s like when you’re on an airplane and they make the announcement to put your oxygen mask on first before helping those around you. If you can’t breathe, you can’t help anyone else around you breathe either.

I know that there are all kinds of people out there that can use this notion to their advantage in the wrong way. You can’t repeatedly do things that only benefit you and claim that you’re not unnervingly selfish. Think of others in all that you do, but speak up when you need time for yourself. If they don’t understand, then they’re the ones that are selfish. If you ever feel as though you need somebody to help you for a change, don’t be afraid to let them know. All relationships are a two-way street, push and pull. You ultimately get what you give. If you’re kindhearted, those alike will take notice and be thankful and will give you that chance to do what you must when the time comes. Don’t feel bad about taking it, just do it. When you stop thinking of selfishness as an explicity negative word, you will free yourself in ways you can’t even imagine.