We’ve always been told that we shouldn’t be picky. Picky eaters earn lectures from their parents, and being picky about the clothes you wear means no one wants to go shopping with you. When you’re picky about anything, you’re suddenly labeled ‘difficult.’ The same idea applies to relationships, and as someone who is picky about them, trying to explain yourself and your choice is both exhausting and unnecessary.

When you have very specific standards for the people you want to date, you aren’t the type who sees a new person every week. Finding someone you want to be with is an elaborate process, and not meeting the expectations by even a fraction means you won’t waste your time on them. Chances are, you’re far more internally reflective than your peers; you know who you are, and what you’re looking for. There’s no need for you to find out by trial and error. And while you don’t judge people who haven’t figured everything out yet, you never seem to outrun the raised eyebrows and accusations that come with being choosy.

When you’re with your friends, and they mention the cute guy that was into you, they don’t understand why you weren’t interested. The fact that he didn’t understand your humor or wasn’t kind to the people around him doesn’t qualify as a good enough reason to not give him a chance. When new acquaintances get wind of the fact that you’ve only dated two people in your whole life, they usually ask what’s wrong with you. And of course, going home for the break and having to answer the “Are you dating someone?” question is its own form of hell. But ultimately, no matter how much it bothers you when people question your life choices, don’t let it stop you from getting exactly what you want.

To anyone who feels pressured to lower their standards: don’t do it. Never settle for ‘good enough’ or ‘almost perfect.’ You’re not being difficult, and no one else’s opinion matters except yours. Take a deep breath, take your time, and remember that anyone worth your while won’t judge you for your preferences.