One of the most frequently asked questions I heard as a child was: who is my role model? That question would always faze me and I'd stumble to give a proper answer. The first person to come to my mind (as a child) would be my mother; to a point.
When I was still very young, my mother was the only person I had. She was the only one I felt I could trust with anything and I depended on her a lot. I didn't have to speak much for her to know what I wanted or felt. In my eyes, she was the most beautiful woman in the world. A woman who was strong, unbreakable, and capable of facing any hardship. In fact, every time something "bad" would happen, she'd turn to me with a beautiful smile so that I wouldn't worry. I wanted to be like her, that is, until I matured and started seeing how brutal reality really was.
Due to my wake up call, I began to not be as reassured that things were fine despite my mother's smiles. I understood mistreatment, arguments, facades, and the concept of money. I noticed that my mother's smile began to look more and more strained. She was stressed and easily irritable. She constantly had furrowed brows and began to suffer from anxiety. My only source of stability, warmth, and "happiness" had dimmed.
As I continued to grow up, my mentality only grew darker and darker. I became more self reliant (not because I wanted to but out of need) and kept to myself. Depression hit me hard and I soon found myself at an all time low. I lacked motivation, inspiration, and hope. All I could see was the negative surrounding me at the moment. My grades had dropped, my health was poor, and I was apathetic to everything and everyone around me. I remained this way for quite some time until the day I had my second wake up call.
When people think of overcoming depression, they think that medication or therapy is necessary. Though some people are reliant on both, I find that the vast majority of people can overcome their depression themselves. Of course, there were a few people who played a key role in overcoming my depression, but at the end of the day, I was the only one who could will it away.
I had to completely change the way I would think. Instead of wallowing in my past and my sorrows, I had to think of the future and all the possibilities it holds. I had to envision the kind of life I want, set that as my goal, and strive towards it day by day. I've come a long way since my all time low in depression and I think I can finally answer that question from when I was young.
I'm my own role model. I don't want to look at how someone else lived their life because I have my own to mold and shape. Years from now, I want to be living the life I envisioned back when I was depressed. I'm not quite there yet, but considering how far I've come, I can definitely say I'm proud of what I've accomplished and I know that my current self is more than what my younger self could have ever imagined.
