I feel you, fellow introverts. Living in this loud, busy, and hectic world can be absolutely exhausting when your personality type not only wants, but needs a little bit of solitude. It’s easy to relate antisocial propensities to introversion and sociability to extroversion, but in reality, being classified as introverted or extroverted is all about what takes energy and how you obtain the energy to do those things. Introverts needs to take the time to recharge by themselves in order to have a 100% battery life when it’s time to see other people, while extroverts feed off others in order to keep their energy levels up.

The two go hand-in-hand really. As an introvert, I personally think that extroverted friends are the absolute best. They know how to be social and our stuttering, mumbling and word jumbling doesn’t seem to faze them when having a conversation. We get to tag along to all of the events they were invited to and can easily chime into whatever conversation they have going on when we feel most comfortable. One of the best parts is if we are running low on energy or begin to fade out of the social circle, no one really notices because the extroverted people keep the party going.

But with extroverted friends dragging and pushing us into social situations, we need others to understand that sometimes, we just want to listen. Observing other people being social can actually increase our energy levels just as much as engaging with people can. I think everyone has a fascination about other people and their stories to an extent, but while extroverts may ask question after question, introverts can gain the same amount of information just by watching. Introverts actually love people too. We are just walking contradictions.

Because of our observing behavior, sometimes we don’t make the best first impression. We may seem unapproachable, arrogant, or self-absorbed when in reality, it’s just extremely difficult and nerve-wracking to open up to new people. Small talk is the absolute worst. Talking can be scary, but for some reason, words spoken with substance rather than a “hey”, “what’s up”, or “how’s it going” is a much easier conversation to have. Deep, philosophical discussion is what breaks us out of our shell because it’s almost as if we can gradually feel the connection to the other person forming as we speak (which makes conversation a lot less terrifying.)

A lot of introverts are entertainers. All of those dancers, actors, and musicians that can express themselves so beautifully on a stage, but then have to do an interview in front of a camera and all of a sudden clam up and seem awkward are straight-from-the-book examples of pure introverts. Artists spend a ton of time in their own heads and need that time with themselves in seclusion, which then leads to the self-expression through means other than speaking. The mind can be extremely loud sometimes, just bursting with ideas that just need to be thrown out into this world with tools instead of words.

One major way to make an introvert feel bad about themselves is when you point out when they have gone quiet. It may be an act of kindness in order to make us feel included, but this public criticism is the complete and utter worst. We may not walk out of the room, but we will probably be less likely to join in again. If you point out our introverted-ness in a way that is negative and degrading, we will silently hold it against you forever. No one likes to be told that they talk too much, so why is it okay to point out when someone talks too little?

I think we need to detach the stereotype of introverts being socially awkward people that everyone wants to avoid. Introverts are just selective in who they choose to open up to. It’s a quality-over-quantity kind of thing. It’s a person who is comfortable being alone without insecurities, but still values time to be social. The low voice and isolated tendencies mask all the wonderful thoughts and ideas and the love we feel for other people, but it’s important to know that it is still all there.

One last thing, if we work up the nerve to speak in a large group and accidentally make a stupid comment, please kindly pretend like we said nothing at all.