Living as a young adult in the 21st century, I sometimes find it challenging to be independent. Living away from home for the first time, being responsible for my time and having complete control over what I chose to do is liberating and really hard all at the same time. I am asked to be on my own and make adult choices without having all of the necessary experience I need to do so.
Last week I was in an unfortunate situation. After pursuing what sounded like an interesting and perfect study abroad trip, I found myself with around $3,000 additional student debt on top of what I borrow for my education every year. My school's study abroad program, through the fault of a lot of people, is very confusing and disorganized. After lots of meetings in different offices, verbal promises, and being pressured to preemptively sign a contract I did not fully understand, my situation is pretty bad. I am lucky to have a loving family who supports my education and has fought to make sure that I am treated fairly. I received some harsh reality checks from them, but nevertheless, I am walking away with a new understanding of finances. And that is how I am choosing to view the situation, not as a criticism of myself or my intelligence, but as a really good opportunity to learn some hard lessons.
My reason in sharing this story is to highlight that until I decided to get help from some trustworthy adults in my life, I was in a ditch. It sucked finding myself in a circumstance where I felt helpless and stupid. I thought the professors and administrators had my best interests at heart, and that it had to be something I did wrong that led me to this point. And while it is important that I take some of the blame for what happened, it was not all my fault. These people who I trusted did treat me unfairly. I was told contradicting information by different sources, and a lot of what happened could have easily been prevented by a better organizational hierarchy of how information about study abroad trips at my institution is advertised and shared with students. A solution would never have been reached if I had not found the confidence to speak up for myself and say that I was being treated unfairly. Two weeks ago I was at risk for not returning to my school for my third year. Now, because I have adults who helped me find my voice, I am in a negotiation period with my school. Being a young adult does not mean that others can take advantage of me, or that I do not understand when I am being mistreated.
I learned this week that it is ok to ask for help sometimes. Yes, our parents expect us to branch out and start becoming adults while we are away at college. This prevented me from seeking help when I became overwhelmed by my situation. If I had called my Mom weeks earlier because I was confused, a lot of the stress could have been avoided. I waited until the last possible second to finally ask for help because I thought I could handle it. Do not let that happen to you. The one thing I would change about this whole situation is that I would call sooner. If I could rewind the clock to September 20 when I first became interested in this trip, and call my Mom after every meeting I had, and send her every piece of paper I received, I would. That would have saved me a lot of sleepless nights.
Growing up and becoming independent is a vital part of the college experience. It is a safe place for us new adults to mess up without the full ramifications of the outside world. But we do not have to take on everything by ourselves. Our parents, family, and friends have more experience dealing with complicated issues like mine. It is ok to need them once in a while. Especially if you are feeling overwhelmed, like I was. Do not let your pride or bad attitude prevent you from picking up a phone and asking for some help. Messing up is ok, it provides an opportunity to learn something new. But it can also be dangerous and costly with big decisions, like traveling to a foreign country. Let the adults in your life be a tool that you use in these situations. I know I am happy that I did.
