If you read the title of this article and felt like it was relatable even before you clicked on the link, then you probably see yourself as the “Doormat” friend.
What is the “Doormat” friend? This is someone who doesn’t know another word besides “yes”; someone who would drop whatever they’re doing to drive across town and fulfill whatever request their friend had that day; someone who everyone goes to whenever they have a boy to complain about or need a ride somewhere. Sounds familiar? You might be the “Doormat” friend.
It’s a beautiful thing to be so selfless and offer yourself to help out in whatever situation regardless of your feelings. You’re surrounded by friends who love you and need you. It’s great, isn’t it?
It’s a fantastic feeling up until your good deeds go without a thank you. You started to notice it a little while back, but it’s becoming more prominent now. People used to ask you for small favors, and they would be grateful whenever you helped them. But now, it almost seems as if it’s expected of you to offer assistance and advice.
It truly is a heartbreaking realization, but it is a realization that you can use as a tool to keep yourself on track. Here are a few things to remember whenever people start to use you as a doormat:
1. Don’t lose sight of your goals because you are too busy trying to help everyone else achieve theirs.
You have goals. You have plans. You have a future. When is the last time that you really sat down and recognized how important your own dreams are? Putting others first 24/7 deters you from reaching your target. It’s time for you to start prioritizing your own goals instead of pushing them to the side to assist your friends who continually fall off of their paths.
2. Take a step back and realize how valuable you are.
Your selflessness is a gift that not many people have. How many people do you know go above and beyond what is asked of them without expecting gratitude? Not many, right? You are part of a very special minority, one that this planet couldn’t function without. People need you, regardless of what you tell yourself.
3. It’s okay to say “no”.
You don’t HAVE to drive across town to pick up your friend and bring them places because they don’t want to drive. You don’t HAVE to buy a classmate breakfast because they’re running late for class again. Doing stuff that conveniences others while inconveniencing you adds extra hassle to your day and strains your schedule. It’s okay to tell someone “no” for once. I promise, they won’t get mad at you.
4. Take some time for a “Me Day”.
Turn your phone off, go get your nails done, go to a movie by yourself, go buy that cute pair of shoes that you’ve been looking at for weeks. As much as it may pain you, it’s okay to be selfish every once in a while. Taking a day for yourself to reflect and relax is necessary to reduce stress and get your priorities together.
5. Don’t internalize your feelings if you feel that people are taking advantage of your kindness.
If you are feeling more and more down because you feel like you aren’t being valued, don’t keep those thoughts to yourself. This behavior is toxic to yourself and it will begin to manifest in your daily life: you’ll start to get annoyed with everyone; you’ll get snappy with people without a second thought; you’ll find difficulty in completing everyday tasks; you’ll start to tell yourself that you don’t deserve to do things for yourself.
If you feel this way, please realize that it is not normal. Your happiness should not get pushed to the side because you think people don’t care about you. Let your voice be heard. Tell people that you think they’re starting to abuse your kindness. Real friends will listen, and the outcomes will be worthwhile. Others who argue with you and become defensive of their behaviors do not deserve your time anymore.
If you take one thing away from this article, let it be this: you are a special, exceptional person whose value is greater than what you believe it to be. Stop degrading yourself, and start praising yourself.
