5 Things You Feel When You Are The Childless Friend

5 Things You Feel When You Are The Childless Friend

I started to wonder if I was doing things wrong...

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Logging into Facebook again, for what's probably the fifth time today, because I have nothing else to do on the weekends, I scroll passed graduation pictures, wedding ring photos, but most of all, baby announcements. I am 22, a ripe age still but full of decisions or no decisions at all and its a scary time for a lot of reasons. It's a scary time because it involves a lot of feelings, and feelings are well, scary. I had a few close friends up until the end of high school, but over the course of life up until the end of high school, I had 5 best friends. All five of these girls now either have a kid or have a kid on the way and it brings up a lot of feelings for me. Maybe being the childless friend brings up a lot of feelings for you too, and maybe I can help you put it into words.

Disclaimer: This is going to get real.

1. Happy

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When my best friend recently told me she was pregnant I was so excited for her and it took everything in me to keep it a secret because I was just so happy for her. I knew that my friend was going to be a great mom and that this is something she's always wanted for herself. Two other friends that I had lost touch with I found out over Facebook. To know that the friends that I spent my childhood with are growing up and are excited about their future definitely makes me feel so happy for them. I'm even already planning a blanket to make for the little one on the way.

2. Scared

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Two of my other friends had their little ones when we were a little bit younger and unfortunately not everything in life is perfect. I remember being scared for my friend who was in a different city and I couldn't be with her through her pregnancy and the birth of her little girl. I also remember being scared when I was in the delivery room with my best friend since first grade when she delivered her baby girl. I've seen my friend go through surgery as a kid, break bones, be hit in the face, but seeing her in labor, was SCARY. I remember also being scared that things were going to change, as much as I wanted them to stay the same. I loved having sleepovers, parties, indulging in an adult lifestyle, but my friends were now parents, and I was scared that the dynamic of our relationship would change.

3. Left Out

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We've all grown up doing the same things all at the same time. We all moved from school to school at the same time, started dating around the same time, graduated together, went to prom, homecoming, football games together, and then all of a sudden, things changed. I started to wonder if I was doing things wrong and started feeling inadequate. As someone with depression, I tend to compare myself to others all of the time and of course, its easy to compare yourself to the people you know best, your best friends. I see them getting and taking care of a whole different person other than themselves and I compare it to me, who can barely take care of myself, and it's easy to feel not enough and behind the pack. I just have to focus on that we all chose different routes in life and just because one of us is doing one thing and the other one is doing another doesn't mean that anyone is less than anyone else.

4. Sad

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Of course, I'm happy for my friends, but I'm kind of sad for me. I've always wanted to be a mom and I'm working on finishing my degree and eventually will find a job that will give me the stability to have kids, but it's not my time. It has, however, been my friends times and continues being their times. It's not jealousy because it's not something I want or could ever handle now, but it's sad because this is one of those things we won't be doing together. By the time I finish my degree and get a house and feel stable enough to have kids, my friends will be long done having them. So our kids won't play together, they won't go to school together and it will never be a reincarnation of our friend group, at least not with my kids, which makes me a little sad.

5. Proud

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Every time a birthday rolls around and one of my "nieces and nephews" say Happy Birthday I am filled with so much joy and feel so proud of my friends. They reached a landmark with their baby! When I hear my best friends daughter talk or watch her go down her slide in her front yard it makes me proud to know these people and excited to see them grow and what they can do next. I'm thankful to be a part of their lives. I'm most proud of them for doing it so well and moving into that phase of life that just hasn't come around for me yet.

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I'm A Woman And You Can't Convince Me Breastfeeding In Public Is OK In 2019

Sorry, not sorry.

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Lately, I have seen so many people going off on social media about how people shouldn't be upset with mothers breastfeeding in public. You know what? I disagree.

There's a huge difference between being modest while breastfeeding and just being straight up careless, trashy and disrespectful to those around you. Why don't you try popping out a boob without a baby attached to it and see how long it takes for you to get arrested for public indecency? Strange how that works, right?

So many people talking about it bring up the point of how we shouldn't "sexualize" breastfeeding and seeing a woman's breasts while doing so. Actually, all of these people are missing the point. It's not sexual, it's just purely immodest and disrespectful.

If you see a girl in a shirt cut too low, you call her a slut. If you see a celebrity post a nude photo, you call them immodest and a terrible role model. What makes you think that pulling out a breast in the middle of public is different, regardless of what you're doing with it?

If I'm eating in a restaurant, I would be disgusted if the person at the table next to me had their bare feet out while they were eating. It's just not appropriate. Neither is pulling out your breast for the entire general public to see.

Nobody asked you to put a blanket over your kid's head to feed them. Nobody asked you to go feed them in a dirty bathroom. But you don't need to basically be topless to feed your kid. Growing up, I watched my mom feed my younger siblings in public. She never shied away from it, but the way she did it was always tasteful and never drew attention. She would cover herself up while doing it. She would make sure that nothing inappropriate could be seen. She was lowkey about it.

Mindblowing, right? Wait, you can actually breastfeed in public and not have to show everyone what you're doing? What a revolutionary idea!

There is nothing wrong with feeding your baby. It's something you need to do, it's a part of life. But there is definitely something wrong with thinking it's fine to expose yourself to the entire world while doing it. Nobody wants to see it. Nobody cares if you're feeding your kid. Nobody cares if you're trying to make some sort of weird "feminist" statement by showing them your boobs.

Cover up. Be modest. Be mindful. Be respectful. Don't want to see my boobs? Good, I don't want to see yours either. Hard to believe, I know.

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The Cliche 'Follow Your Heart' Is Probably The Most Important Cliche Of All Time

Our heart or our brain? What should we listen to first?

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In life, we are constantly faced with tough decisions concerning relationships, college, career, marriage … the list of decisions we must make in a lifetime is endless. This means, however, that there are plenty of moments in our life where we will put into question our very own intuition, where we will waste time going back and forth between our mind and our soul. So then we ask ourselves when faced with a decision, what do we listen to? What should we listen to? Our brain or our heart?

Yeah, okay so following your heart is probably the most cliche thing you've ever heard. Our younger selves constantly heard the saying all the time growing up. Did we act on it? Maybe, but not in the ways that we should be acting on it now. Give it a chance and just think about it for a second.

I've realized that as you get older, it becomes harder to just listen to yourself. There are distractions all around you. Some come from the comments of your peers, some come from the devices in your hands, some come from the news headlines you see in bold. With this, you find yourself struggling to find a balance between thinking about something and just doing it. You find yourself unable to decipher what exactly you should listen to. You suddenly become lost within your own little world.

Who would you be if you didn't follow your heart? Would your life be completely different than it is now?

If we think about how we got to the place we're at today, we simultaneously also think about those decisions I mentioned earlier. And those decisions were probably mostly made from our own intuition, not from logistical thinking. The sad part is we don't even realize this, and we don't even realize how important this is.

How did you choose a college? Deciding where you're going to spend the next four years of your life, working towards a career is a big deal. Some will describe their decision as a feeling they got when they stepped on campus. Yes, the tuition was a factor along with retention rates and undergraduate programs and study abroad opportunities, but the one factor that truly mattered was how they felt so at home, while in reality being so far away from their hometown. So, this decision was made from a feeling, this decision was made from the heart.

Relationships. When deciding to tell someone you love them, you're following your heart. When deciding to commit to someone in a relationship or in a friendship or whatever it may be, you're following your heart. You're putting everything on the line because of how you feel. Nothing else matters. Just the two of you, together, happy and in love. And because of that, because of the magnitude of that one feeling, you listen to your heart first and figure out everything else later. Now, being able to have that, being able to experience this type of love, well that's just one of the best feelings in the world.

We can even consider a career. When trying to figure out what you want to do with the rest of your life, you are looking for that feeling, for that career to find you. You are searching for that inevitable inclination telling you, you're meant to do something in this world. You dream big imagining yourself doing this one job that you feel so passionately about, changing the world and inspiring others to do the same. You are motivated by this one field so much that you decide to do it for the rest of your life. If that's not following your heart, then I don't know what is.

It seems so obvious. We hear "follow your heart" all the time. But do we ever actually realize how much impact a heart can have on one's life? No. And that's why it's maybe not so obvious. Because we're told to follow our hearts, but we never actually take the time to comprehend it. And so, we live our lives letting this concept of intuition before cognition become underrated. We let it secretly impact some of our most important life decisions without even ever realizing it.

So realize it. From now on don't just listen. Act. Follow your heart as much as you can and never look back.

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