My parents raised me in a christian home, going to Sunday school every week, and participating in Christmas pageants each year. My mother taught me the ten commandments, the Lords prayer, and the apostles creed. As the years went on I continued to watch how my parents interacted with others, the holidays were spent shopping for the less fortunate families, and always giving back. Random acts of kindness throughout the year, and watching morals through them. Easter, and Christmas were my favorite times to go to church, my favorite gospel being the one of the poor widow donating all she had and being quiet about it while the rich were loud, and made it obvious what they were donating proving to me the best moments are when you do acts of kindness that may go unnoticed, Jesus noticed her like God notices everything the good, and the bad. When I was a teenager a wall of depression hit me harder than anything, I stopped believing in God. When I dated my first boyfriend, temptation faced me. I lost my virginity at 17. When my grandmother was dying I learned how to believe in God, and I continue to do so. I regret having my virginity lost before marriage knowing that is something I can’t get back. However, I know that God is a loving, forgiving God. Being a Christian is not easy, at the age of 19 I have learned many things, and have struggled daily to be a good christian. There is a lot of hardship I face, as many other christians do.

-Explaining Christianity to someone who doesn’t believe

“How can you believe in something you have never seen, felt, or witnessed with your own eyes? How can something be bigger than yourself and wasn’t earth created by natural forces?”

I believe because I have seen God. I saw God the second I saw my baby cousin, the moment I was in my darkest hour and needed something to hold onto. I saw God when I was praying on my knees, and felt the urge to trust him knowing everything would work out. I have felt his presence around me, the day I passed my state board for nursing assisting, I felt his love and pride. The day I was accepted to Disney I felt my journey was continuing in a positive direction. While at church I felt it when I talked with the older lady who is now in heaven. I believe in something bigger than myself, because it gives me faith to hold onto. It gives me a feeling of hope, reassurance, and knowing things will get better. I believe in God because I believe in things we can not explain. I can not explain why my parents went to Russia, and adopted me. I can not explain why my friend was taken too soon at the age of 17, I can not explain how I got home the night I could barley see. There are things we can not explain, things that don’t need an explanation. God is one of those, I know he is there, I know he hears me, and sees me. I know as long as I live God is on my side.

“So you support the LGBT community, even though you are a christian?”

Yes. I do support the LGBT community, I had struggled with it for a while not understanding how to categorize the bible vs what reality is at times. I know Gods love more than anything, and while a bible may clearly state ‘between a man and a woman’ I know love is stronger than those words. God loves everyone regardless of race, orientation, political view, and what sins you have. I know everyone deserves love, everyone deserves support and everyone deserves to know Gods love. The problem is the stereotype of being a member of the LGBT community and religion. People think because you are gay/bisexual/lesbian you will go to hell pushing those members further away from God. More light needs to be shed on the reality of the fact God loves everyone regardless of who you kiss or marry based on orientation.

“How are you kind to someone who has hurt you?”

This is the one I struggle with the most. I have been hurt many times, however I believe God has a plan. He has had a plan from the beginning and it has made me who I am. I try to be nonjudgemental, knowing God is the one who will judge when that time comes. My job as a christian is to love others like God loves me, not to judge or condemn anyone. While it could be easier to be evil with my words, I prefer to show kindness. Everyone fights a battle no one knows nothing about, everyone experiences things they don’t deserve. It is not easy by any means, it is difficult to be the bigger person however I have a strong faith knowing how to be a christian, knowing my purpose in life is to love and be kind.

“So you tried committing suicide, did you want to go to hell?”

This is a question I have been asked many times. I don’t believe you go to hell if you take your own life, I believe the opposite. The stigma on mental illness needs to come to an end. I have had mental illness with depression, and it hasn’t been easy. No one can see the “sickness” like you can with a cold, or the flu. Depression can affect anyone at anytime. Not having the experience with depression should make people non judgmental, but I have found it is the opposite. I believe depression is an illness like cancer, one someone can not control. God would never turn away a sick cancer patient, let alone someone who has depression. So no, you won’t go to hell. God calls you home to heaven when he thinks it is your time. I’m here for a reason, for the reason to spread Gods love.

Being a christian in todays society is extremely challenging. There are many comments and questions I have been asked about my faith. I have had a rocky road with faith and my relationship with God, but I have learned it is never too late to know him.