Webster defines the word authentic as: real or genuine, not copied or false.
Contrary to what you may think, authenticity is not a characteristic you are born with. Just because you are naturally an outgoing person, that does not mean you are authentic, and just because you are more introverted does not mean you are not authentic.
We as a culture still have not gripped the concept of being authentic. Now, you might be asking yourself, “What do you mean? We are in the most progressive era the world has ever seen!”
Well, you may be right. We may be a highly progressive generation but my understating is that, individually, we find ourselves concerned with saying what we think people want to hear instead of saying what we actually believe. As a result we have become this constant growing mass of people-pleasing zombies.
Unfortunately, nowadays we base our values on what “everyone else” believes instead of what we think and who we are. We are bombarded with a plethora of opinions online and never really take the time to discern what we truly believe. But then if what we believe is against the status quo, we are ostracized and rebuked.
Being authentic or transparent is harder than you think because you are actually going against what you have trained your brain to believe about yourself and others. Things that drive us away from “being real” are worrying about what people think, striving for perfection and control-freakism, comparing, low self-worth, and doing things out of obligation. And as much as you try to convince yourself that you don’t do these things, deep down that you fall victim to at least one of these factors. It happens to all of us!
How many times have you stopped yourself from doing something you want because you are worried about what people around you will think? For example, I have put off going to the gym hundreds of times because I was worried about what the people there would think of me. I didn’t have enough confidence to not care about the possibility of being judged for my round-butt, setting foot onto the gym floor.
Stop comparing yourself with other people.
Let me repeat it again for those in the back…
Stop comparing yourself with other people.
How in the world does it make sense to try and be someone else? That is no way to become your true self. It takes a lot of time and reflection to determine who your true self is, and then it takes just as much more time and work to become that true self. You’ll never get there if you are comparing and trying to be someone else.
Also when we are too focused on looking outwards for confirmation, we find ourselves giving up the feeling of love and joy. Because once you realize that your worth does not come from others, but from inside you, you can accept the love of others freely.
Gaining authenticity is not something you work for and then you have it and you never have to work for it anymore. It’s something you need to cultivate and maintain, and it’s a series of conscious choices we make. We wake up in the morning and we tell ourselves, “OK today, I am going to be real.” Despite what people think, despite our self-doubt, and despite our fears. Listen to your heart. It will help you get to know who you are and what you want.
“Authenticity is a collection of choices that we have to make every day. It's about the choice to show up and be real. The choice to be honest. The choice to let our true selves be seen.”
- Brené Brown from 'The Gifts of Imperfection: Let Go of Who you Think You're Supposed to Be and Embrace Who You Are' (book)
