Know The Difference Between Being Dependable And Overbearing

Know The Difference Between Being Dependable And Overbearing

We have to learn this big difference

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There is nothing wrong with just being a good friend. Yes, there are times society may make fun of us because we are not high on the list but even though it is not discussed much, the dependable ones know how to help out a friend. For me, something I tell my friends is I am here if you need me. This phrase allows them to be in the driver seat and decide if what is going on needs to be brought up or their comfort level with me and the situation. Some of my friends have said "Thanks I will keep that in mind" or others will respond with "Can we talk about this because I need your support." Being able to provide the love and support for my friends is something I love to do and pride myself on.

However, I have learned that there is a comfortable difference between dependability and trying to hard to be dependable.

If you tell someone you barely know that you are here for them it will catch them off guard but if one of your close friends is having trouble with something and you display dependability or reliability the outcome will be different. Sometimes people do not want to talk about their issues and we have to accept it. We learn to operate at times convenient for others and not just ourselves. For me, one of the hardest things is not being able to help the people I care about. Sometimes I have to sit back and let the problem be figured out itself. Now there is nothing wrong with being dependable and in fact, that is a quality people look for in friends and something I want in my life.

In one of my classes, my professor focused on influence as a tool and what stood out to me was how influence can be used in the sense of liking. Liking someone can be an unhealthy idea because there are things people might do "just because" and there are other things that can be blown out of proportion. We might do certain things because we like the person or want to show we care. Looking at how this relates to overbearing there might be times we want to help out that girl we like or make sure they need anything if they want to see you. Overbearing comes into play because we get so worried about what we want people to think of us that we don't act like ourselves. Yes, dependability is a great character but we need to know the balance between the two.

I challenge people to be dependable. I know that there is a good friend of mine that I can call and talk to about almost anything but I also know that there are people who expect the same from me. It takes a lot of courage to tell someone a personal matter but that is how we create these bonds and how you find friends for life.

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Why You Should Stop Chasing Him

You deserve better.
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They say “the thrill of the chase" makes someone more enticing. There's just something about wanting something you can't have that drives you crazy (in a good way). There is never a dull moment. Pursuing him is a challenge. Nothing comes easily. What's the fun in that anyway?

I'm going to tell you this: stop chasing him. Stop forgiving him when he forgets to answer your text messages and phone calls. Stop being the one to always make plans. Stop letting him bail on you. Stop waiting around for him. Stop being lied to. Stop making excuses when he doesn't make time for you. There is a difference between someone who is “hard to get" and a flat out jerk who doesn't give you the time of day. Stop letting him use you.

You deserve to be with someone who makes you fall asleep every night in the middle of texting him because neither of you want the conversation to end. You deserve someone who plans dates for the two of you. You deserve someone who asks you to hang out before midnight. You deserve someone who wants to spend time with you just as much as you do with them. You deserve someone who insists on paying for your ice cream. You deserve someone who won't deceive you. You deserve someone who is straightforward. You deserve attention. You deserve affection. You deserve a partnership that is mutual, not one-sided. You deserve to be chased.

You are better than 3 a.m. “Hey" texts. You are better than a night spent watching a movie just to fool around. You are better than trying to decode his vague messages. You are better than his shadiness. You are better than mind games. You are better than being ignored.

If you have to chase him, he's not worth it. Don't settle for someone who makes you beg for his attention. If he is genuinely interested in getting to know you, he will put in the effort. A relationship where your feelings are reciprocated is far more rewarding than one where you constantly feel like you have to drag him along.

Change your mentality. Become more independent. Be confident, be bold. Find happiness in being alone. Don't waste your time pathetically chasing after someone who doesn't feel the same, but doesn't have the heart or the courage to tell you so. Your self-confidence and positivity will make you radiant, and eventually, you will attract the kind of guy who is mature enough to not mess with your head.

Cover Image Credit: weheartit.com

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How Staying At Home During College Affected My Friendships

The impacts that leaving high school has on friendships.

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Instead of going away for college, I stayed home. I didn't think much of it in the beginning, but as time went on, I realized that the decision of me staying home was going to affect me much more than I anticipated.

At first, I thought I could make it work, still visiting friends in college every weekend, texting everyone, and Snapchatting. It wasn't too hard to keep in contact with high school friends because high school was so fresh in our minds. The longer I was home, the more friends my high school friends started to make.

They'd be out partying every night with all these new people and posting about them, and I started to feel like I was being replaced. It was sad because these friends who I've been friends with for at least five years are now best friends with other people. The only reason why was because I was at home. It sucks.

At first, I was really bothered by the fact that my friendships were starting to get more distant as time went on. But then, I started to get used to the feeling and facing the reality that you won't always stay friends with people throughout your whole life.

Realizing that some friends aren't always meant to be your friend forever was a hard adjustment for me to make. I always grew up with the same group of friends. We're all close with each other and close with each other's parents. In my case, everything got more awkward the longer we were out of high school.

We had to pretend to seem like it wasn't awkward meeting up for the first time in months... when it was. It was definitely a hard thing to realize, but it's a good thing that there are a lot of people in the world to be friends with.

I know that I'll always have other people to be friends with in life, so I try not to sweat the little things. Hang in there if you're going through the same thing, I know it's hard.

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