I've been in two serious relationships in my short 21 years, but those relationships were long. I devoted two years of my life to one guy and almost four to the other. Both of these guys I thought were the one, at the time. But I definitely was wrong because here I am, single and happy. There are so many negative connotations with being single, because frankly, single means being alone; it means that I don't have another person to send me "good morning," and "I love you" texts. What I didn't realize at the time, (it took me a long time to realize) is that becoming single again was one of the best things to happen to me, and here's why.
After being with someone for so long, I lost myself. Every thought and every action was about that other person. If this happens to you, it's a big red flag. Of course you should think, want, love, lust for, worry, and care about your significant other, but at what point do you say enough is enough? You need to stay true to yourself and be able to maintain yourself as a person WHILE doing all of those things for another human as well. I lost who I was. I would look in the mirror every morning and think of him before me, which isn't always a bad thing, but when it's daily, it is.
The worst part of losing myself was that I did it to myself. I will never blame my exes for who I became and how I changed as a result of the relationship, because ultimately now, I'm a better person from my past. I was able to re-teach myself about me. This sounds silly, but when I lost myself and a sense of who I was, I had to start from scratch again. What did I really like? Who did I want to hang out with? Who did I want to be? I was pretty much able to reinvent myself into the person I wanted to be, and wanted to be happy with. I was able to try new things, explore new places and basically re-do myself. Not as a result of my relationships, but because of circumstances. I was (and still am) recovering and learning to live with my anxiety and depression. I hated who I was when my illnesses were full blown, they consumed me and every bit of energy I had. Learning to deal with it by myself and cope, made me a much stronger person. I always had my friends and family behind me if I needed that crutch, but I was ultimately on my own, and this was probably one of the best things that could have happened for me.
As a result of my newfound self, I was also able to throw myself into the things that mattered most to me, which was school and my job. This might sound like it's not all that good, but it was. I formed new relationships with people I would have never met if I didn't focus on what I truly loved. I was able to meet a ton of new people, I became involved in school, I joined my awesome sorority, and now I do things for me. I've been able to learn so much about myself, my interests and my abilities through throwing myself into these things.
Because of my strings being cut loose, I was able to rediscover and reinvent myself completely. I've discovered so many things about myself that I would have never been able to find out if it wasn't for me being single. Being single isn't always a bad thing; not only was I able to find out things about myself, but I was able to truly re-evaluate the kind of person I want to invest in and really be with. And when that lucky man comes along, I am much better equipped.
