Lesson One Of Becoming A Single Mother

Lesson One Of Becoming A Single Mother

"I always said no one will replace him, and no one will. Because from this day forward, I am not a choice."

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I've been blogging for a little while now, and some of us like to get more "personal" than others. Those of you who read my articles know I'm merely an open book. Those of you who actually know me, know it's more than difficult to even get to know me.

The reason why I'm so brutally honest and open in my articles is that I've been going and growing through a lot right now. Some things I almost didn't survive. Other things, I could've done without. But it's our experiences that make us who we are. Nevertheless, I always wished I had somebody who'd gone through the things that I did to help advise me in my decisions and healing processes. But no one that I knew ever had.

That's why I write these crazy stories. Because they are the snip-its of my life that, yes, maybe brutal, however, they taught me more about myself than anything. And I believe God allowed the multitude of these ballistic events to happen to me so that I can advise others so that they don't lose themselves the way I did. So that they may win their mental battles rather than fail them as I did so many times. Hey, maybe I can even save a life.

So today, I am going to share something beyond personal. Something most people would feel ashamed about, but it's something I would plaster on my forehead because this decision literally saved my life.

A lot of you are probably wondering who and where the father of my child is. That's not any soul decision a woman should be "proud of," but I am proud of that. And this is why.

For months, my heart was yearning for this man to reach out to me and ask about his son. My heart was breaking that I was experiencing my pregnancy and all the perks that it entails, all by myself. I felt abandoned and I wanted Eli to have a dad.

My wish finally came true. He finally did reach out to me. But he didn't say the right thing. He said he would have a lot to think about on the matter because my son wasn't in his "grand plan." And that maybe one day, who knows when, he would like to know his son, but that he is moving away next year to pursue his career as a traveling RN and he would have to be a long distance dad if or when he decided to randomly pop into my son's life. A son who would've already spent years of bliss not knowing his father. A son who already probably didn't care, and didn't feel abandoned because his father would've already been replaced, and that's all he would've needed.

But no.

This man was already planning on coming in out of the blue and completely blowing over the Heavenly Earth that I had created for my son.

That's when it hit me. My son is not a choice to be made. He is a human being with a heart and feelings and attachments, and he deserves a good dad. Was I scared at first, knowing I would be walking into this alone? Hell yes. But that didn't stop me from dedicating my life and fixing up to be the woman my son deserves. I promise you, there is no love like that of a child. There is no motivation like that of a child. And no matter what the circumstance, they will never hold you back. Only push you forward.

This man was nothing but a revolving door boyfriend to me for years because I was nothing but a choice for him. He would've been nothing but a revolving door dad to Eli because he sees his own son as nothing but a choice as well. I'm not sure what kind of heathen has the heart to do that, but I'm ashamed to say I know one. I wasn't going to let him destroy my son the way he did me.

And he is done destroying me. I have made the decision to put my foot down, and I couldn't be happier to do this life thing with my son and thankfully, without his father. Looking on into a future with his father, I see he would've destroyed everyone and everything.

Ladies, whether you are a mother or not, you should pay attention to the lessons in this, because it took me so long to learn them, and everyone deserves to understand them.

This is the first time in four and a half years that I can finally say I have come to peace with putting this man to rest and never reawakening him. I can't tell you how relieved I am. It finally doesn't hurt anymore. Because by leaving him in my past, once and for all, I have opened myself to the opportunity of one day meeting an amazing man. An opportunity we all deserve. This was all due to the fact that I realized I am too good to be a choice. So are you.

I always said no one will replace him, and no one will. Because from this day forward, I am not a choice. Not to him, not to anyone. After years of abuse, from him and multiple other "in-betweens," I will never be mistreated again because I will be patient, strong, and I WILL NOT SETTLE.

One day, I'll be loved the right way. Because no, I am not that desperate. Thanks to Eli, I love myself more.

You need to understand. You are someone's daughter. Someone's sister. Someone's friend. You are loved in the right way by so many people so why would you let one man come in and break that love? You don't deserve to be under that kind of pain, and the people who love you don't deserve to have to watch it destroy you. You don't deserve to suffer in any kind of relationship that would break you.

Those of you who are currently struggling, it's time to be happy. Rest assured the decision is yours. Because you are not a choice, and you deserve to make that choice today.

You will always be so much more. Don't forget that.

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I Recently Found Out That A Close Relative Of Mine Could Have Been Aborted

Had they been aborted, I wouldn't be here.

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I stood in my office with the door closed, holding my phone tightly. Staring out the window at the people walking the streets several stories below me, I wondered how many of them had almost been aborted…or survived an abortion…or even knew that one of their parents never wanted them to be born. I thought about my life and everything I had done. I spun through the Rolodex of memories in my brain: the good, the bad, and the ugly. My beautiful childhood memories, specific choices I made and the consequences that followed, the friends I have, the job I love, the family that I miss because I live so far from them. None of it would exist if my relative had never been born. That thought hit me hard.

The person on the other end of the line said to me, "You know you wouldn't be here if they had been aborted." "I know," I responded, "That's a crazy thought." My day started out totally normal until I received the phone call that made my world stop for just one second. Hearing the word "abortion" associated with one of my closest relatives completely personalized the whole abortion debate for me. While the news hit me hard suddenly, I actually didn't think too much about it. I went about my day like nothing had changed.

You'll notice in the title of this article I said: "could have been aborted." What I mean by "could have been" is that my relative wasn't wanted by one of their parents. But God had other plans. My relative was carried to full term, born a healthy baby, and has lived a full and successful life. That's the thing about abortion: Humans think they know what's best, we think we have control, but God has other plans…perfect plans that humans don't have the ability to meddle with.

When I got back to my apartment that night, I thought about the phone call that took place earlier that day. The phone call I wasn't expecting and certainly had no way of foreseeing. It changed my thinking in ways I didn't realize at first. I started appreciating all the little things. It sounds cheesy, but it's true. Everything I did seemed special. Every move I made suddenly had purpose and meaning. I think it's because I now knew that all of this would not have been if one of my relative's parents hadn't chosen life. If both of them wanted to get rid of the baby, my relative never would have seen the light of day.

All of this came to a head for me when I attended a pre-screening of Unplanned. Go see that movie. It is well worth your time and money. During one of the abortion scenes, all I could think was: "This could have happened to my relative." But God had other plans; plans that cannot be thwarted because He is God and we are not. He knows what's best and we do not. Receiving the news about my relative wasn't easy to hear or process, but it only reinforced God's goodness in my life.

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Call Your Mama, Ask Her About Her Day, And Let Her Be Your Best Friend

I found that my real strength lies within my mother.

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Every family is unique in their own ways. Whether they have faced several hard deaths, have tendencies to be alcoholics, or the kids come from broken homes, every family is different and ultimately find home and comfort in one another.

My family is no exception to being unique if that's even the right word to describe us. Some may say crazy is a better word choice or maybe a little intimidating if you met the big, bearded, boot wearing, gun-totin' men on my dad's side. My family has been described as many things but the word that I think best fits is strong, especially the women.

We have been through and survived more than we ever thought we would get through. And despite the hard times, we made it through.

Growing up, I was always a Daddy's girl. He taught me to stand my ground and take up for myself. He proved to me that I could get dirty on the ball field and dress up in the same day. He taught me that it's okay to work with him in the shop with a fresh manicure and that it's okay to be a little girl with a side of tomboy and a lot of sass. Even today, I'm still a Daddy's girl but I have found that my real strength lies within my mother.

I find myself on the phone with my mom a lot. Something good happens, call mom. Something bad happens, call mom. Something stressful happens, call mom. As I got older, I realized this was because she was my best friend, my strength, and my strongest supporter.

When I was little, my mom and I clashed a lot and whenever we argued. She always said it was because we were just alike, but I didn't believe her. We would play this game and she would ask me if I was her friend and I would always say no. I didn't want to be friends with my mom. I would always think I couldn't be friends with my mom, that'd be weird.

Now that I'm older, I want nothing more than to be my mom's best friend. I want to tell her everything and talk about every detail of life because she has this way of making everything better and a little more exciting.

I want to make her proud and be the light in her life just like she is the light in mine. I want to be successful in hopes that one day I will be half the women she is. I hope to honor my husband as she does. I hope to be a shoulder people can cry on, and I hope to be the strength my child looks up to.

I am slowly realizing that if I've been through it, chances are she has too. We are pretty much the same person. I love sharing life and figuring myself out with her by my side.

We have this saying that we tell each other, "This too shall pass", which is actually tattooed on my body, and if nothing else, she has taught me that this is always true. No matter how hard things are, how bad life is, or what is happening, this too shall pass, and everything will get better if you just call your mama.

I can't fathom the day that I have to be without her and have to figure out how to be myself again without my crutch. Take every opportunity you have to call you mama and share your life with her because I promise she wants to hear about your day and your successes. Not only call her to tell her about your day but ask her about hers as well, let her vent to you, let her tell you everything, and let her give you all the advice she has to give because one day the good Lord is going to call your mama and you will want to have talked to her first.

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