From the moment we are born, we are thrown into a perpetual cycle of trial and error to learn how to navigate the world around us. Even now, we are still mediating our place and purpose in society. We learn by doing: we watch others, process the information or behavior, make our own modifications and then re-enact this behavior. We instinctively search for role models, someone to look up to for guidance when we feel lost and unsure of ourselves.
I remember all of the open-ended essays and application essays I had to write about who my role model was. People seem to think that they can learn more about someone based on who they designate as their number one role model. In reality, at least for me, they got what I thought my role model should be. I was always trapped in a mix of my own uncertainty and indecision and would, ironically, turn to people around me to see what they put. Don't get me wrong, my mom is someone I look up to in many ways. I've always been able to appreciate bits and pieces of people's characteristics, but never anything substantial enough to go anywhere near genuinely labeling them as a role model. I breezed through years of answering this question by resorting to half-heartedly designating my mom as my role model. Fast forward to the 2014 Oscars where Matthew McConaughey won Best Actor.
In his acceptance speech he said, "You see, every day, and every week, and every month, and every year of my life, my hero is always ten years away. I'm never going to be my hero. I'm not going to obtain that and that's fine with me because it keeps me with somebody to keep on chasing".
I had watched this speech live, but it didn't fully resonate with me until a few years later when I rediscovered a clip of the speech on Instagram. You know how sometimes you just see something that you could've seen numerous times before but in that instant it finally clicks? It's such a simple concept, but my mind was blown. Finally, there was a concept of having a role model that I could wholeheartedly get on board with. He rationalized what I had been feeling all those years: the desire of labeling the best version of myself as my role model but pushing that aside in fear of being labeled vain or egotistic.
Sometimes in choosing others to be our role models, we begin to lose parts of ourselves along the way. In some cases, people try so much to be like someone else that they forget that their role model succeeded by excelling at being themselves. Trying to model yourself after someone else to a more extreme extent can also turn out to be more discouraging than motivating. We can't excel at being someone else and because of this, we may end up feeling discouraged by our perceived shortcomings. In choosing a better version of yourself as your role model you are not only gaining full acceptance and appreciation for your own strengths and weaknesses, but you're setting yourself on a path for constant growth. By continually having something to work toward, you avoid becoming stagnant and complacent just because you've achieved whatever goal you set out for yourself.
What happens when we achieve a goal? We feel pride in our accomplishment, pride that gives us a sense of fulfillment and security. This sense of fulfillment and security is the very thing that can stifle growth. If the glass is already full, why would we continue to fill it? The second we stop learning and being motivated to grow, we lose one of the most important traits that distinguish us as humans: the ability and hunger to understand and augment the world around us. By setting a static goal for ourselves, we have defined our success and therefore placed a limit on what we can accomplish when, in reality, our potential is limitless.
We've all heard the phrase, "the journey is the destination," a million times and there's a reason it's so well-known. It's undeniably true. Sometimes people work so hard to achieve a certain goal that they skip over enjoying the process. If you don't love the process as much, if not more, than the goal, you're doing it wrong. Everything is a learning experience. If you love the process, the fact that you're working towards a goal that never ceases to change becomes much easier to accept.
Just like a baby learns to crawl by moving towards a desirable object that is moved the moment they're about to reach it, we must learn to chase after a goal that is ever changing and developing at a rate that we might never be able to keep up with. It's okay to never achieve this kind of goal because it ensured that we never stopped learning and aspiring towards greatness which is successful in itself.
