We all know why it’s not okay to call a woman a slut or something similar, and even in jest how calling a friend a slut can be harmful. We know that it’s not okay to impose ridiculous dress codes on women and girls, as a response to men who are unable to conduct themselves professionally. We all know about the double standard that exists for the sex lives of men compared to the sex lives of women or of other humans who identify differently.
This all falls under the category of what's called sex-shaming. Sex-shaming also includes the reinforcement of harmful heteronormative stereotypes, or the intent to make a person feel shame for their sexual activities. There is almost always something to learn about sexuality, and it is always important--even when something seems strange--to listen, try to understand, and accept it regardless of whether you're able to understand it. Even if you find yourself unable to understand, that's okay, as long as you can remember that your individual experience is not universal, and just because you don't feel a certain way doesn't mean that no one else does or should.
Sex-shaming is everything that sex positivity is not. And sex-shaming is great at hiding itself in everyday conversation. It often comes in the form of heteronormativity, which is the perpetuation of traditional monogamous heterosexual relationships. Sex-shaming lives in the places where it’s assumed okay for two women to have a close friendship but not for a woman and a man to have a close friendship. It lives in the places where married men won't eat dinner alone with women, like our Vice President. It lives in the places where people cringe at the idea of open relationships, or diverse sexualities. Because of the traditional way that our society is structured, it often requires effort to think outside of the sex-shaming and heteronormative structures that are built into our daily lives.
Here are some entertaining ways to cultivate sex positivity:
1. Watch "Broad City"
"Broad City" is a show about two young women living in New York City. It provides an unfiltered perspective of what it is like to be a confident and sexually active woman.
2. Listen to "Savage Lovecast" with Dan Savage
"Savage Lovecast" is essentially a sex advice column in the form of a podcast. There is a free, new episode every week, which starts off with one of Dan's political rants. Then Dan will listen to callers and respond to their questions about sex and love in a judgement-free and sex-positive manner.
3. Watch "Bojack Horseman" on Netflix
"Bojack Horseman" is an animated Netflix original series. It pairs humor with existential dread. But the most sex-positive part of the show lies within the character Todd, who (spoiler alert), comes out as asexual at the end of Season four.
4. Watch "Big Mouth" on Netflix
"Big Mouth" is another hilarious animated Netflix original series that explores puberty so honestly that it's almost painful to watch. It leaves nothing out, which makes it relatable. At the same time, that means it consistently reminds the viewer that thinking about sex is completely normal and not something to be ashamed of.
