How soon is "too soon?" As I stare up at the row of funeral cards on my wall, I wonder how they're all doing. My maternal grandparents didn't even live long enough to see a picture of me on my first day of middle school. My paternal grandfather didn't either. As I move down the list of people in heaven, I find their age at their time of death getting younger...and younger.
No, their obituaries didn't say "natural death" (which leaves more questions as to how they passed so suddenly), but instead they said something far more horrific. Two of my classmates passed in 2012, just over six months before our scheduled graduation date due to a car crash. The B.A.C. of the driver who hit them was well over the legal limit. The whole community mourned, but not just our town…almost every single school within thirty minutes of ours rallied behind us and created the Twitter trend #518Strong. Two of the survivors who were also in the car on that December evening spoke with their sports heroes while recovering in the hospital, but did that really matter to them at the time? Right after their boyfriend or girlfriend died?
Then came the heroin storm. Whether it was a needle or a straw that was used before they took their last breath, the thought "I was the same age as he/she" always comes to mind each time I read the words "passed unexpectedly" in a friend's obituary. One way or another, when that person was living, they found their way to the devil and the devil gave them a hug and said, "Welcome, friend. I'll keep you safe and warm." Some have the strength to fight that bag, maybe for even more than one or two rounds. But some can't, no matter what the situation. Families and friends have no idea what to do to help save them, or they think they do and it backfires. To all those families and friends: it is not your fault. It will never be your fault. Never ever let yourself or anyone else make you think that.
When you've first been told you have lost someone you love, it's as if the whole world stops. You can see everyone's mouth moving but you can't hear anything but your own heartbeat in your ear. Depending on how deeply you felt that loss, that feeling can last for days, but it can also come in waves when you least expect it. That sudden remembrance of their presence, their scent, their voice hits you like a ton of bricks, and you're the only one who can dig your way out of that pile of bricks after. It doesn't get better but you just learn to deal with it (or hide it) better. I swear I'm a pro now. When you hear, "Someone else has it worse than you," just ignore it. Yes, that statement is true. But why would you ever have the nerve to say that to someone when you have been through at least one loss as well?!
Everyone has been through a loss that was labeled as "too soon." And if they haven't yet, then chances are they will soon. Harsh? Yes, but that's life in a nutshell. I can be angry, I can be sad, and I could have plenty of regrets; Something I should have told them or something I should have done before I lost a loved one. But I choose not to. Just because you lost your friends or family too soon doesn't mean you have to dwell on the past. You can choose to let the pain become so crippling you begin to tear up at the sound of their name…Or you can choose to keep living your life without them being physically there while knowing they're keeping an eye out for you — just from another place. Pick now, because you never know when the last time you see someone is really the "last time."
