I wrote this poem to apologize for how I used to treat someone I dearly care about. At the time, I was trying to find my identity in our relationship, but was still convinced that God can redeem. Now, only one of those philosophies has changed for me. I no longer find fulfillment in an earthly relationship, but I love God with all that I am.
To the One I Wish I Could Have Saved
Back in the day,
I was desperately Frightened and lost my way.
Until he came riding in on a noble black steed,
The one I ironically tried to save.
He never promised forever,
And even though his heart was cold,
I could see beauty and fear passed his strong mold.
He called me beauty,
Even when I ate like a beast.
I loved him with my everything.
But now I look back,
And I was the beast,
He thought he needed my saving,
But I could never grant him that gentle release.
God loves him,
And I wanted to tell him that,
But he could not listen to my thunderous roar.
Because in my heart I was defeated,
In my life, I lived so sore.
To the one I could have saved,
I apologize.
I only made it all worse.
Because a beauty who really was a beast,
Told you our fairytale was the only sweet release that would give you peace.
To my night riding a dark steed,
I wish I would have saved you.
I wish I would have given you God’s heart.
But I gave you my own instead.
And now you are broken,
Left to drugs that break your heart and head.
And I am the princess.
Forever a beauty.
But the beast that convinced you that I was your savior.
When in reality,
You deserve only One savior.
To the prince who now knows nothing but hurt,
God loves you more than I ever could,
My love was truly dirt.
Because I was never the beauty
Who was meant to tame your beast.
I am the beast,
Whose heart was tamed by a lamb.
I am the beast,
Who wants now to apologize.
I am sorry that I could not save you, I really am.
