How many of you look at your grandparents, or even your parents–while admittedly it is less common in their generation–and admire the way that they’ve stood the test of time within their relationship? If you do, do you ever wonder about the factors that have played into their success and into that longevity?

Let’s think about this for a moment. These relationships started when there was no Facebook, Instagram, Twitter or Snapchat: no way of projecting their status and activities as a couple for others to see, judge and analyze.

In their youth, people met through mutual friends, social gatherings or other traditional ways that the teenagers of today would probably laugh at. Phone numbers would be exchanged. Plans to meet again would be made. Dates were comprised of actual quality time that was focused on getting to know each other and establishing an actual connection. Admiration, respect and attachment would grow through time spent with each other rather than through a perception of who someone was by how they appear on social media. People sought validation in their relationship through themselves, rather than looking for it through likes or comments under a Facebook or Instagram photo. Simply put, the generations before us focused on actually being a happy couple rather than just looking like one.

This is where we’ve gone wrong, millennials. We’ve convinced ourselves that the success of our relationships is based on the approval of others who aren’t even personally connected to us. We value the opinions of those who don’t matter based on what they see on their timelines over the ones of our closest friends and family. We fight over our significant other liking another person’s selfie and we fight over whether or not we posted a WomanCrushWednesday or a ManCrushMonday picture...but it’s okay, because our last “Cute Couple” post got over a hundred likes and a few comments with heart eyes with words like, “Omg, ya’ll are adorable!” Clearly that means we’re healthy and functional, right? Wrong. And we wonder why we’ve become the generation of non-committance and “talking.”

Here’s the thing guys: stop worrying about gaining the approval of others in your relationship based on a few cute photos with flattering filters and trendy captions. Those people won’t be there to fix it when life hits your relationship and you’re there struggling to keep it together. They won’t fix it if someone is emotionally or physically abusive towards you. They won’t fix it when the honeymoon-phase is over and you have to learn how to navigate the differences and the challenges in your once seemingly-perfect relationship. No, those responsibilities are ultimately going to boil down to your and your partner’s ability to communicate and overcome conflict. Stop depending on them to authenticate your relationship when you won’t be able to depend on them to sustain it.

I’ve been in a relationship for almost 11 months now. Most people, other than my family and personal friends, probably don’t know that because it isn’t something that I readily share with the world in that way. My relationship is sacred to me, and it’s health and growth is something that I’d rather dedicate my time to rather than trying my best to come up with some sappy-sweet paragraph to share with my peers every day. Instead of filling our time taking endless pictures and Snapchatting every second of our dates, we turn the phones off, put them away and simply enjoy each other’s presence and relish in the moment, because that’s what matters. We don’t air our dirty laundry or our fights all over Twitter–even though I can gladly admit that we rarely if ever fight in the first place). We sit down, talk about it and respect each other’s value enough to not taint their image out to irrelevant people in the name of frustration. We save our most intimate words and feelings for each other because that’s what intimacy is: a connection shared between just you and that person. It shouldn’t warrant an audience. As a result, I’m in the happiest, healthiest relationship that I’ve ever been in in my life and the shared respect between the two of us is one of the most fulfilling feelings that I can ever remember having.

I’m not bashing or demeaning those who share their relationship experiences on social platforms. God knows I do love some cute wedding photos and I like seeing that couples that I’ve always respected are still going strong, but just remember that the deepest parts of you and your significant other need no approval or validation from outside sources. Remember to value each other more than you value the opinion of your peers.

Put your phones away for a while, guys. Go hug your significant other. Kiss them. Make dinner with them. Act goofy without pausing to document it on snapchat and laugh at yourselves rather than trying to illicit it from others. Have a deep discussion about life, beliefs, dreams, religion, fears and vulnerabilities without chronicling it later on Instagram. Go to bed. Love each other. That’s all that matters. Stop doing it for everyone else and start doing it for yourself.

“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects. It always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.” - 1 Corinthians 13:4-8