After a three year relationship, I knew the memories would never fade overnight, but I also didn't expect to find moving on such a beautiful process. Granted, it has not been an overabundance of happiness and positivity, but in my newfound single life, I have learned more about myself than I ever did in a relationship.
If I could go back in time, I do not regret how and why things ended. The how and why to our ending is quite ambiguous as I still have yet to formulate a legitimate response to when people ask why we broke up. College is a true test to one's individuality and their dedication to others, and we simply failed that test. It became toxic and unhealthy -- two characteristics a relationship will never thrive on.
The best decision was to go our separate ways. Now we have past mistakes to learn from and an entire world left ahead of us to see.
Though the heartbreak felt insufferable, all things do happen for a reason and I stand strongly in this belief. In the pain and suffering, I came to find myself in a way I never have before. This freedom provided both of us an opportunity we would have never had in the past: growth and strength. At least it did for me.
In a new place with new people, we were forced to find ourselves on our own. It was a tremendous change from the dependency we provided each other back in high school.
I wouldn't change the outcome of our situation because I am becoming a better person as a result.
This is certainly not to say that I don't miss being in a relationship. Of course, I miss aspects, but it certainly isn't everything. I became accustomed to the companionship, the phone calls checking in, the endless naps and cuddles. I told myself it was okay to miss him, any rational person would.
But that phase soon comes to an end as the void that was once filled with the relationship, must be filled elsewhere. I have made beautiful friendships that bring so much positivity to my life. I believe some of my relationships with my friends have grown so strong in our adjustment to college as they saw my pain and I saw theirs and we became each other's support system.
I also learned to become my own support system. I spent years thinking that I would always have at least one person to catch me when I fell, but when that person disappeared I only had myself. In the quiet moments, where all the thinking is done, I came to realize what I personally needed to develop a healthy mindset.
It's important to love yourself and be proud of yourself in order to spread that love to others. I never truly loved myself to my fullest potential and though it's a slow and steady process, I'm getting there.
College is the place to thrive and I've been doing just that. I am sure as hell not ashamed either.
Ultimately, I took this time to cultivate interests I never knew I had. I came to college to become the best possible version of myself and that's exactly what I am going to do.
Writing and reading have become my outlet into a creative world I never knew I would belong to. I plan to pursue this passion to its fullest extent. This campus offers so many opportunities and resources to become the person you're supposed to and I would be a fool to not take advantage of them.
This is no longer a time to mourn a dead relationship. The worst thing I can do to myself is holding onto a past that will negatively impact my future.
It's ironic how one must go through loss and pain before positivity and growth can be seen. I have always tried to avoid that suffering at all costs, but in some way, I'm thankful for it. It's not a pain welcomed on a periodic basis, but it is allowing me to reach the potential I always dreamed to reach.
Even though many girls at this time are scrambling to find a significant other as cuffing season rapidly approaches us, I'm okay with being single. This season it's all about me.
