One of the highest privileges of being human is having the ability to enjoy beautiful things and stand in awe of the world around us. But it’s not just our ability to enjoy them that makes us special – we have a responsibility regarding the way we respond to them. In C.S. Lewis’ definition of ‘use’ and ‘reception’ of things, he describes ‘using’ as taking something which was made for a purpose by its creator and using it to fulfill one’s own desires instead of to fulfill its intended purpose. He explains that ‘reception’, in contrast, is allowing the object to serve its original purpose and thus allowing it to have its full intended impact. In our daily lives, many precious things are used and distorted to increase personal gain and pleasure. One of the privileges we most often abuse is the ability to have relationships with one another and to experience love. This ability is too commonly distorted by humans to satisfy selfish goals. Instead of receiving the gift of love God designed for us to enjoy, people often simply make use of love to further their own happiness and fulfill their longing for self-worth, and they miss the superior joy of loving others unselfishly.

C.S. Lewis elaborates on the idea that ‘use’ is inferior to ‘reception’ by explaining that when an object is merely used it is not reaching its full potential for beauty. In order to receive the beauty God has set in front of us through creation and our own abilities, including love and relationships, we have to be willing to set aside what we want and surrender our wills to his higher purpose. My generation has adopted the belief of modern society that love exists to provide personal happiness and fulfillment, which gives us a distorted view of what the true purpose of love and relationships is. Our society values pleasure above all else and teaches that people should do whatever is necessary to make themselves happy. The media proclaims that romantic love will solve your problems and fulfill your desires, and many people believe this is true. This ideal relationship becomes an obsession and they believe that if they can only have the ideal significant other, then they will be truly happy. With standards set by books, movies and celebrities, the youth of today has become convinced that being in a relationship with the right person will cause all of their troubles to disappear. This belief causes dissatisfaction when the ideal person cannot be found and causes people to resort to distortions of love in order to achieve personal happiness through any means necessary. Relying on another person to define your identity and self-worth is a highly unstable basis on which to place your hope. When we ‘use’ other people by trying to force them to be something which they are not in order to benefit ourselves, this is a distortion of the love we’re meant to have. Engaging in this frantic search for identity causes modern society to accept and even promote the practices of using love to satisfy personal needs.

Another shortcoming of seeking fulfillment in human relationships is that these bonds can never provide the stability and high self-esteem that people seek. A human relationship may temporarily provide a sense of security and comfort, but the fallen nature of everything in our earthly lives makes relationships between humans unreliable. The relationship each believer has with Jesus Christ allows them to receive love as it was meant to be experienced, as he loves us unconditionally and steadfastly throughout all our failings. Putting your identity in Christ is the surest way to secure joy and anchor your hope in an unshakable foundation. This reception of Christ’s love transforms the relationships a believer holds with others as they reflect God’s love by sacrificially loving people. In the debate of ‘use’ versus ‘reception’, as C.S. Lewis argues, there is a higher value in receiving a beautiful thing than in using it, and this holds true regarding human relationships and romantic love. Don’t try to force people to live up to standards you set for them – meet them where they are, and love them unconditionally.