This past week has been one of the most draining weeks for me. Between classes and my mental health, it hasn't been the easiest. People tell me to be strong because it'll all past. The problem is, however, is that I've been strong for too long.
I want to be weak.
When I'm strong, I push people away. I put up all these walls. When you're strong, you don't let anyone in because you don't people tell people what hurts your heart. You aren't vulnerable.
I want to be weak. I want to be vulnerable.
When I'm vulnerable, other people are vulnerable with me and often times, I find we're going through the same things. We can help each other stand back up. We are shoulders to cry on.
I want to be weak. I want to be vulnerable. I want to cry.
When I cry, I let it all out. I let my feelings out. I am able to let go of what is holding me down. I should be allowed to let it out and let go. I sat in a car for two hours and just cried and for that moment, it was the most helpful thing I could've done.
It's okay to be weak. It's okay to tell other people it's not okay. It doesn't mean you have given up. It doesn't mean that you are losing it. I feel like I have to keep my walls up so I don't have to bother anyone with what is going on because someone always has it worse. Someone will always have it worse but that doesn't mean that my problems don't matter. Most people will not care, either secretly or openly. That doesn't mean no one cares.
Be weak. Be vulnerable. Cry every once and a while.
You won't lose yourself.
