Frank Reynolds is who we aspire to be, but fail to have the courage.
Why? What makes Frank, Frank?
One can argue his size, another can argue his gun, but I like to think it's his "can-do" attitude. As a father to Dennis and Dee, he spends all of his free time hanging out with them and their friends, rather than doing normal things that 60 year-old adults do. He hangs with the 30 somethings and thrives, funding their schemes and making their dreams become a reality.
What does Frank get out of it, other than banging whores? A lifetime of thrills. Here are some quotes by Frank Reynolds that everybody should try to live by.
1. "I don't know how many years on this Earth I got left, I'm gonna get real weird with it."
Words to live by by Frank Reynolds. We see how Frank lives, dressing as a man-cheetah and pulling off various schemes with his vast wealth. Who says money is for mansions and jet skis? I like the idea of running elaborate scams and running "get rich quick" schemes for the rest of my life.
2. "I'm gonna whip this little bitch in the face if she makes a peep."
When the gang breaks into a home and the homeowners unexpectedly arrive, they are forced to hide in the home, with Frank hiding in a little girl's room. He has an Indiana Jones style whip, because the plot of — you know what whatever, just watch the show. Only Danny DeVito can utter these words and not leave pretty much everybody morally offended.
That's Frank for ya, though. He doesn't care if you're a man or a woman, black or white, old or young — he wants to use everybody of every race to his advantage, and no matter who you are, if you get in Frank's way, you're going down.
3. "Woops! I dropped my monster condom that I use for my magnum dong."
Chivalry is dead? Not to Frank Reynolds. He does the lady a service by not only giving her a heads up about the size of his member, but also by inserting his belief in using protection.
4. "I'm the trash man!"
Who doesn't want to see a 60 year old man beat people with trash cans and then eat the garbage? And just for our amusement. What a guy. The troops would love it.
5. "Your mother is dead! HA!"
While some people grieve over the loss of loved ones, Frank Reynolds smokes cigars and drinks champagne. Isn't that what they would want? For us to carry on and live our lives? I for one find this much more soothing than a funeral.
6. "I don't wanna be his friend, I wanna shoot him in the face."
We live in heightened times in this country, when gun control is the center of major controversy. If there were more careful individuals, such as Frank Reynolds, there would clearly be less of a debate.
7. "I'll give ya fifty bucks if you drink soup outta my shoe. And take your top off."
He went on to up his offer to $500, which isn't bad for a few minutes of work. Frank spreading his wealth at his finest. It's a rough economy out there.
Company Christmas parties suck. But imagine if a naked guy came busting out of a couch? Now that's a party.
9. "This is ham, soaked in rum."
So much this. No explanation needed.
10. "Go for it, go for it
A perfect note to end on. Motivational words from Frank Reynolds. Go for it in life, do whatever you want. Whether you want to run for President of the United States or snort coke off a bartop, the world is your oyster. Eat it.
There are oh so many more moments that contribute to who Frank is, but this is the sum of it. He's a short, bored man with a magnum dong and a sizable bank account. He enjoys the little things, like shooting his gun at people and using others to his advantage. Frank usually comes out on top, always having a backup scheme up his sleeve. If it weren't for Frank, I would've never learned the art of making a sandwich in my mouth, I would've stuck to the old ways of using two pieces of bread.
Who wants to live that way? I don't want to live in a world without sandwiches being made in my mouth, just like I don't want to live in a world without Frank Reynolds.