I'm sure you know the feeling well. Like a rain cloud has just crept onto your once-sunny horizon. You feel inadequate like you shouldn't even try like you're not good enough. Judgment, scrutiny, pressure, and unrealistic expectations have always existed and flourished in societies that refuse to change, but especially in those in which women have had to sprint in order to merely enter a room. In addition to molasses-like change, I believe that the modern era has bred something else entirely; new dichotomies, new standards of living, and new angles by which we look at ourselves.
You're too fat—eat less. You're too skinny—you really need to eat something. You're flat-chested—poor thing, you look like a child. You're too busty—you must be a slut. Be sexier—no one likes a prude. Conceal yourself and close your legs, dammit—have some modesty! Have a successful career and shatter those glass ceilings—but not too many, you need to have time to raise a family. Oh, you want to be a homemaker? That's a pathetic, old-fashioned ideal—you have no ambition. Your lips are too thin, and your butt/boobs/hips have no shape—go see a plastic surgeon. Oh, you've had work done? That's sad that you can't just love yourself the way you are and had to go pay to fix that feeling. You work out? Careful not to get too muscular—guys don't like that. You don't have any muscle definition—maybe it's time to hit the gym. You're naturally thin? Real women have some meat on their bones. You're naturally curvy? No, you're just fat, and should not be glorified for being unhealthy. You should smile more—no one likes a sour-faced bitch. How can you smile so much when there are people, who aren't privileged like you, suffering in the world?
The list goes on…and on. These few examples of society's contradictions women "must" strive to live up to do not seem to be disappearing, so why is that? With movements and events like women's marches, the proliferation of feminism, and the international efforts to combat injustices and prejudice against women, how is it that a society that pits woman against woman still exists? In short, because the surface of one vital element has just merely been scratched: the importance of women supporting women—always.
Seeing stories about or witnessing the triumphs of women like Malala Yousafzai, Amal Clooney, Simone Biles, Halima Aden, and Katie Bouman, all ceiling-shatterers in their respective industries, is beyond impressive, as well as inspirational. Thinking about the unapologetic strength of #GirlPower, or what it means to be a trailblazer, I know, ignites a fire in every woman's heart, and serves as motivation to not allow anyone to tell you that you can't do something.
When it comes to everyday women though—your neighbor, the girl from high school who was never nice to you, your co-worker whom you don't know too well, your mom—how do we see them and their successes on a daily basis? No matter how well-deserved it may be, it's easy to reward or applaud immense accomplishments for being just that, but what about the small achievements that we allow to pass unnoticed every day? Congratulate the girl who was afraid to face her fear of public speaking. Marvel at the strength the mother has to take care of her children so willingly and effortlessly while sacrificing time for herself. Thank the girl who complimented what you're wearing, and don't be afraid to tell her where you got it in case she asks! Smile at the girl who is alone or may seem uncomfortable in a social situation. Raise women up at all times for things both big and small.
It is certainly not always easy. We hurt others and are hurt by others. We find it hard to forgive but expect forgiveness. We want to change others before we are willing to change ourselves. We criticize and are quick to find fault in others if we are jealous that they're accomplishing their dreams. We crave the time and attention we ourselves are "too busy" to give to others, and we dream of the self-love or confidence that we shame others for having. Scroll through the comments section on any supermodel, actress, or public figures' Instagram pictures, and observe that most image-related comments express hate, disgust, or worse—and they, most often, come from other women and young girls! Why?
We are all fighting for the same things, why can't our front be united in the face of outside threats working to infiltrate the indestructible front of our femininity? It's like playing on an all-women's soccer team against every evil figure and form that we perceive wants to harm us for reasons we cannot understand, only to find out that the individuals we thought were trying to hurt are us.
We've all been there: you're standing in line at the store, passing a woman in the street, or are uncomfortably scrolling through your phone in hopes of looking occupied when you immediately assess what another woman is wearing, how she's walking, speaking, or even looking. Whether the thoughts that come to you are positive or negative, they all have one thing in common: judgment.
Life is about playing the game, but no one else has seemed to want to play fairly up until this point. Instead of minimizing or eliminating pieces of your character to play at the same level as those who break the rules without remorse, it's time to re-write those same rules. To stop a male-dominated society from determining how we see women, refuse to accept the narratives that seek to tear down. Lift up, be kind, have compassion, and understand the strength that lies in your vulnerability. Pushing someone else back will not keep you from going forward, but rather will only leave you ever in the same place. Stand together, and understand that life is not a competition, it's a group project, that will never be complete until everyone—and I mean everyone—gives it their all.
