At 18 they expect you to vote and go to college; when you're 21, they expect you to be able to handle your alcohol and be prepared to enter the real world. And the list goes on and on, from the day we're born there's some preconceived "performance" expectation of us. Society has this tendency to instill into us this mindset that you shouldn't show emotions because vulnerability never ends well. If there's one thing I've learned from picking up my broken pieces, it's that being emotional doesn't mean you're weak.
Have you ever noticed it's easier to say "I think" instead of "I feel?" Maybe it's because we're afraid to show how we really feel.
We don't choose to be emotional because we seek attention or we're looking for reassurance; that's just the way we've been. We didn't choose this but there's nothing wrong with that. People see emotions as a weakness, that loving with every fiber in your being and being passionate is a bad thing. Correction: it's not. Letting your life being dictated by emotions is weakness, not putting your heart into things. I've had to pick up the shattered pieces as everything that was once gold turned to dust. Yeah it sucked, and maybe I am still in the process of doing it, but one thing I've learned is you need to learn how to learn. Emotions are a blessing and you need to make them work for you, not vice versa. Emotions don't teach you about other people or what to do in certain situations; at the end of the day, they teach you the thing you didn't know you needed: to learn about yourself. Yes, you probably can't control your emotions, but you can control how you handle them and how they affect you.
It's taken me awhile to realize that you can't hide from your emotions. At the time, it might be easier to cry it out and then shove it under the rug like it didn't happen. But sooner or later, everything you've hidden starts creeping out. That's the funny thing about the past. Yeah, it may have happened a while back but it's written in stone and that's something you can't change. You can't be afraid to confront the negative emotion; sometimes you've gotta go through the pain to experience the joy. I thought running was the best option and in the end, I realized it's been the only thing holding me back. I got upset over the little things because I was afraid of dealing with the big things in the past and once I realized that, I saw how much I've been keeping myself from healing. You can't live in fear of your emotions, that just gives them the opportunity to fester and grow until they destroy you.
At the end of the day, it's human nature to have emotions; you can't pretend they don't exist because deep down, even the strongest of people feel vulnerable. If I've learned anything, it's that a good cry or a scream or two is good for more than just temporary revilement; it's the light at the end of the tunnel, the tools and the foundations we need to make it through life. And never again will I forget that.
