This year for new years I have resolved myself to not make any new years resolutions. I told myself that whatever I say always gets put on the back burner and never actually happens just to spite myself and this stupid tradition. Who am I kidding though we all have them and I am in this never ending spiral that just feels the need to make one every year. This year my only resolution is to be a better me and whatever that may be.

I want to love God a little harder. If mine and Gods relationship could be defined in a Facebook phrase "its complicated" comes no where close to what it resembles. Church has been on and off and when I do go half the time, I am preoccupied and cannot (will not) listen to what is being said. I go home and do not change the way I act, think, or speak and tell people that I have a room reserved in hell and go on my merry way. I pray when I want something, I curse him when things go wrong, I make myself believe that I am no longer good enough for him to be paying me attention because all this bad can not be happening to someone he loves so I am going to ignoring him back until he makes good things happen. Well, I decided to re-evaluate the way I love him. I am going to get up and go to church, I am going to pay attention and retain the information I am given, I am going to (try to) live a better life through him. I am going to make mistakes because habits are hard to break and life is hard to live, but I a going to be better.

I am going to be healthy. H-E-A-L-T-H-Y not skinny. I will not starve myself like I used to in order to fit in a smaller size. I will make better choices in what I chose to eat and put into my body. I will work out enough that I gain muscle in the right ways and don't try to kill myself in the process. I am going to talk to people about the way I feel instead of attempting to bottle it up and explode when I have had enough because lets be honest that, is not working for anyone especially me. I know that I have set out to do this in multiple years, and each one I fall short every time. But this time, I will be be better.

I will learn to learn. I used to cry and have mental breakdowns and eventually threaten to quit because learning wasn't what I was good at anymore. I would work really hard only to get a C and go into my room crying fearing I would never be good enough. I used to never tell mom what I thought of my actual work until it was turned in and graded and honestly I never remembered anything unless I knew for a fact it was going to be on the test. This year, with it being my last at clemson university, I will learn what I need to in order to grow as an intellectual instead of what I need to know to get an A. Hopefully the grades will follow the intellectuality that learning to learn will get me but I am done stressing the GPA and the applications because in referring to issue one I am trusting in a higher power that there is a plan for my life. I may be getting Cs but this year I will be better.

Lastly, I will be a better person. My mood and my attitude towards others is in need of a real readjustment. I am sad too much of the time for my love life to be anything other than what it is. I am going to be a better person in that I am going to put myself first sometimes but other times I am going to take a second and put others in my place and see what I should do to be better. I am going to let the drama go and be the bigger person in a lot of things. I am going to love myself before I let myself love anyone else and above all this I am going to be better.

2016 you were not very good to me I have seen some of my lowest points in you. I am going to say goodbye on an up however and know that 2017 will, just as I will, be better.